Pope Francis Not Sure What To Make Of His Papacy Thus Far

VATICAN CITY––It was announced earlier this afternoon that His Holiness Pope Francis was at a complete and utter loss about what to make of his papacy thus far. The 76-year-old Pontiff told Eye of the Tiber that he had been mulling over the question privately for some time now, but that he had hesitated about asking out of fear that he might appear to be a “bad” Catholic. “I don’t know, I guess it all started when I was up there on the loggia bowing my head and thinking to myself, ‘Jorge Mario Bergoglio…what are you doing?’ Then I went to church without security, I paid my own hotel bill, washed women’s feet, and now I’m like, “I don’t know what I’m gonna do next!'” Reports from aides closest to Francis say that the Pontiff had been asking them odd questions lately, one senior advisor, who preferred to remain anonymous, said that he had been approached by the Pope one day and was quietly asked to consider the question, “Who do the people say that I am?” “At first I thought he was talking about Luke 9:18 when Christ asks that question to his disciples. But when I started to answer, he stopped me and said, ‘No, man…you’re not getting it. I’m literally asking what the people are saying about me.'” In an exclusive interview with Eye of the Tiber just hours ago, Pope Francis made it clear that although he wasn’t yet quite sure of what to make of his “unorthodox” papacy, he was certain about his stance on the big stuff because of all his quotes about gay marriage and the devil and stuff, and would therefore give himself the benefit of the doubt. “But still, I gotta admit that sometimes I get real confused by some of the stuff I do.”