No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours

Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours earlier this morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating anyone willing to bring up the bread and wine for the Presentation of the Gifts at Mass.

“Obviously the presentation is as important to the Mass as the consecration is…everyone knows that,” Sarkosy told EOTT as he and three others searched, frantically, for a willing family to present the gifts. “In fact, I go as far as to say that the laity’s role in presenting the gifts is as important as Father Gregory’s is in consecrating it. Without Mary’s Fiat, after all, there is no Jesus to be born; and without the laity’s Fiat in presenting, there is no bread to become Jesus…if you think about like that.”

Sarkosy went on to report that everyone was acting very peculiar as he approached them to ask whether they would be interested in participating, saying, “They all had their heads down…like they were praying or something.”

“I mean, me and my wife would’ve done it, of course, except that we had the money baskets to carry.”