Drive-Thru Confessions Huge Hit In Local Parish

Reports out of The Church of the Most Holy Trinity in Wichita, Kansas are confirming that last week’s launch of their new drive-thru confessional was a complete success.

“It’s an absolute blessing,” Church Pastor Father Donald Borland told EOTT. “One day I was sitting in the confessional listening to this old man’s confessions, and all I could think about was how long this poor old man was standing in line. I remember I thought to my self, ‘Self, there’s gotta be a better way to do this than to have people standing in line for 20 minutes.'” So began the idea to create the first drive-thru confessional.

“I love it, and it’s so simple,” college sophomore and parishioner said. “You drive up to a menu with a list of all types of sins and combo sins, and you just tell the priest which number or numbers you did on the menu. No chit-chat, no nothing. I remember I told him I committed a number four super-sized, and he asked me to please drive forward. That’s it. You drive up to him at the first window, he absolves you, and the last step is you go to the second window where his secretary tells you your total. They call it a penance, I guess…I don’t know, I drove right through that part.”