Holy See Moves To Washington After America Declared Catholic Theocracy

Just hours after the United States was formally declared a Catholic theocracy, the Vatican announced Monday that the Holy See would be transferred to Washington, D.C. All Offices and personnel would relocate by the end of the year to help facilitate a peaceful transfer of power. Though many in the media anticipated the news that Catholicism would be the law of the land come Monday, it still came as a shock to some after Amy Coney Barrett was confirmed... Read More

Study: 85% Of Jesuits Doubt The Existence Of St. Ignatius

A new study from the Center for Belief in Washington, D.C. has found that 85% of Jesuits worldwide doubt the very existence of their founder, St. Ignatius of Loyola. The study, which simply asked priests in The Society of Jesus whether or not they believed that St. Ignatius, one of the most beloved saints in Church history, every existed, revealed that most not only did not believe he ever did exist, but that they had lost faith in him during seminary.... Read More

Show Off Does Novena In Eight Days

Obnoxious, overachieving Catholic Lamett Erickson informed family and friends Tuesday morning that he had completed his novena a day early. The novena, being said for a friend currently going through financial hardship, was scheduled to end on the day she was to be interviewed for a new job. “I mean, I guess I appreciate the fact that Lamett did the novena for me,” said friend Alejandra Jenkins. “No, you know what, forget that.... Read More

Trad Skank Showing Some Ankle

Sources at Mass this morning said that local parishioner Elize Thompson, a “once devout woman worthy to be in their presence” has now become an abomination to the community after revealing some ankle. “It was nothing short of scandalous and horrifying to see,” said longtime friend Louis Green. “I mean, leave something to the imagination, am I right? Tramp.” “Whore!” called Thompson’s mother... Read More

Two Of The Greatest Political Minds Of Our Generation Watch The Debate From Some Bar In Toledo, Ohio

Two of the greatest political minds of this generation, Geoffrey Wilkinson and long time friend Dennis Smith, met at a local bar in Toledo, Ohio last night to watch the second presidential debate. Wilkinson, who has successfully come up with a way to give all Americans free, quality healthcare and who is currently unemployed, was on his third Bud Light when he told EOTT that he has also found a way to block foreign interference in U.S. elections. “It... Read More

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