Badass Priest Hears Own Confession

According to several sources this week, well-known local badass priest Fr. Blaze Gunner heard his own confession. “Father Gunner is such a badass,” said longtime parishioner Debbie Ratner. “He bilocated once so that while he was delivering a homily, he could, at the same exact time also go outside and have a cigarette before putting it out on his tongue. The man’s a legend.” Ratner also told EOTT she had once witnessed the cool that is Fr. Blaze... Read More

Rad Trad Woman Just Wants A Good Man Who’s Willing To Wait Till Marriage Before Flagellating

Local SSPV woman Deanna Russell confessed to friends late last night that all she wanted in life was a good and holy man who was willing to wait till marriage before flagellating his body. “I don’t know, call me old fashion, but I don’t wanna flagellate my body with just anyone,” she told friends as she sighed, longingly, at the thought of the day when she would share that sacred moment with her husband as both he and she scourged their bodies... Read More