Joel Osteen Vigorously Attempting To Shove Camel Through Eye Of Needle

Image: RobertMWorsham   [News Brief]   Just days after refusing to offer shelter at his megachurch to victims of Hurricane Harvey, popular pastor Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church in Houston was seen vigorously attempting to shove a camel through the eye of a needle. In a post on Twitter Saturday, Osteen said he was praying for those affected by the storm, and asked Christians to pray for him to gain eternal life. “We all know how difficult it... Read More

EWTN To Launch New End Times Drama, “The World Is Over”

  [News Brief] EWTN today announced plans to launch the new primetime end times television show The World Is Over staring Raymond Arroyo as one of four horsemen. “No decision has been made as to who will play the other horsemen, or whether Arroyo himself will play all three roles,” Executive Producer James Carlbach said. A spokeswoman for Arroyo declined to comment. Though EWTN has been tight-lipped about the project, one network insider told... Read More

Protestants Object To Removal Of Statues For Once

Protestants gathered Thursday to express sadness and dismay over the potential destruction of Catholic statues from several locations across the country. “It’s sad to see the history and culture being ripped apart with the removal of our beautiful statues and monuments,” pastor of The Tsunami Church in Greensboro, North Carolina Ted Roberts said this morning as he defaced a statue of St. Junipero Serra. “These men were bad, I... Read More

Ford Debuts New RAD-TRAD X9 Van

  Just in time for back-to-homeschool, Ford’s roll-out of the new RAD-TRAD X9 is a nod toward its largest conversion van market segment: radical traditional Catholics. The 15-passenger van, guaranteed to take up two or more parking spots at parish events, arrives at dealerships next week. Intentionally built to pre-Vatican II safety standards, Ford’s engineers avoided certain modernist frills like seat-belts and air bags.  Nevertheless, reports... Read More

White Supremacist Catholic Really Hoping That Heaven Is Segregated

  Cradle Catholic and longtime white supremacist Jacob Baton told those gathered at a local rally Monday that he was really hoping, though pretty darn sure, that heaven was segregated. The 43-year-old father of five said that the thought came to him as he was in line to receive communion yesterday. “I was thinking about how if logic prevails, as well as justice, races would have to be segregated in heaven. I mean, I’m not saying that I don’t... Read More

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