Oklahoma City Priest Finally Wins Salvation After Joining Forces With Golden State Clergy

Image: Andrew Hermiz

Golden State clergy won eternal salvation last night after they defeated priests in the diocese of Cleveland in a dazzling display of conversions.

Determined to make amends for last liturgical season’s debacle, when they allowed Cleveland priests to come back from a 3 to 1 conversion deficit in one of the most stunning and memorable comebacks in Church history, Oakland-based priests came out with an incredible show of spiritual resolve to take salvation for the reigning halo holders.

Before a jubilant crowd of angels and saints at Cathedral of Christ the Light Arena in Oakland last night, where white confetti fell from the ceiling at the final ring of the altar bell, Golden State priests, also known as the Warriors of Christ, cemented their place in Heaven, and gave former Oklahoma City priest Devin Kurant his first ever halo.

Golden State gained redemption by a ratio of four conversions to one, capping a dominant liturgical season.

Cleveland clergymen did make the match competitive and very entertaining, but in the end the Warriors of Christ had just too much sacred fire power, including Kurant, whom they signed last summer for his ability to not only convert at will, but to defend against protestants trying to take Catholics away from the Church.

“He’s a force to be reckoned with,” said Oakland bishop Michael Barber . “That’s the reason we acquired him in the off liturgical season. He can do it all, including rebounding missed opportunities and turning them into conversions. I’m very happy for him, and I don’t think we could’ve done it without him.”