Woman Who Gave Up Gossip For Lent Really Looking Forward To Sunday

St. James Catholic Church parishioner Lydia Valdez, who gave up gossip for Lent, announced to friends late last night that she could not wait until Sunday so that she could catch up on all the gossip. The 29-year-old mother of two told friends that she was excited to hear about what “really happened with Liz.” “I overheard a couple co-workers talking about what Liz in accounting really got fired for,” Valdez told EOTT. “I wanna break my fast... Read More

Pope Francis Accuses Benedict XVI Of Wiretapping His Confessional

The Vatican has refused to say whether an apology was in the works after eavesdropping allegations were made by Francis last week against his predecessor. Pope Francis’ claim that his confessional was wiretapped by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI has yet to be supported by evidence, but the Pontiff isn’t ready to apologize for the accusation just yet. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Director of the Holy See Press Office Greg Burke told reporters... Read More

Major Seismic Activity Recorded After Cantor’s Overuse Of Vibrato  

Several small earthquakes have been recorded over the past day in Southern California after St. Agatha Catholic Church cantor Beverly Hope overused her vibrato during Mass. The most recent was earlier this morning in La Mesa, California, but experts say that earthquakes occur nearly every Sunday across the country, especially during the Recessional. Director of Earthquake Studies at Holy Trinity Catholic Church in Glendale, California Tom Stewart has... Read More

Pope Francis Signals Possible Openness To Just About Anything At This Point

Pope Francis has said that he is open to the possibility of permitting basically anything to address the serious issues facing the Church, unless that thing is not in line with what he thinks. During an interview with the German newspaper Die Zeit, Pope Francis said that traditions and things that date back to times before his election to the papacy would not stand in his way. “We need to think about whether it could be a possibility to begin allowing... Read More

Ushers Boldly Enter Church For Unprecedented Fourth Collection

In what many are calling a supernatural display of audacity, ushers at St. Perpetua Catholic Church have made their way back into the church for a record breaking fourth collection. “Everyone has been through two collections,” St. Perpetua parishioner Dorothy Arlen told EOTT after Mass. “A few of us can even remember the now legendary 2014 Second Sunday of Lent Collection Caper when a third collection was taken up for retired priests or something.... Read More

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