Members Of Roman Curia Flood Michael Voris With Invitations To Visit Vatican

Image: WikiCommons Just days after Catholic internet personality Michael Voris revealed that he had been actively involved in homosexuality before his reversion to the faith, sources tell EOTT that the founder of The Vortex has been inundated with emails by members of the Roman Curia inviting him to visit the Vatican. “We thought it might do him some good to just get away for a while,” one official said. “Sometimes you just gotta get away, you know?... Read More

Updated SSPX Catechesis Program To Now Include Fundamentals Of Catholic Trolling

Image: WikiCommons SSPX leadership is preparing to launch a new Catechism program in an effort to help better explain Church teaching and how to best completely obliterate lesser Catholics on social media. “Trolling is important for the Church because with knowledge comes responsibility,” said bishop Donald Vensand, head of the SSPX Council for the Degradation of Inferior Catholics. “With that responsibility comes a duty toward fellow Catholics. Our... Read More

Report: Priest Doing That Stupid Thing Where He Walks Up And Down Aisle During Homily

Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe   Being asked about how their weekends were going, parishioners at St. Luke Parish announced Sunday that Fr. Todd Bunnell was, yet again, leaving the podium and making his way down to the aisle to preach the homily. According to reports, Bunnell was, for the fourth straight Sunday in a row, “doing that Protestant thing where he walks up and down the aisle, trying to get people excited and more engaged... Read More

Francis Retires From Game Of Papacy After Twenty Illustrious Liturgical Seasons

Image: Andrew Hermiz Pope Francis, the man who helped the Church win hundreds of thousands of converts over a 20-liturgical-year career, announced Sunday that he will retire after this liturgical season, writing “this Easter is all I have left to give.” Francis addressed the media after this week’s loss to Islam, a humiliating defeat for the Christians after Muslims handily defeated Catholics in number of children born, saying that he made... Read More

Francis Found Weeping In Vatican Men’s Restroom After Learning Of Bad Amoris Laetitia Reviews

Image: Wikicommons Sources confirmed Thursday that Pope Francis was found crawled up in a little ball weeping in the men’s restroom in the Vatican after learning that a number of Catholic bloggers had given his document Amoris Laetitia bad reviews. “I know that they say you can’t please everyone, but sometimes I just feel like I can’t please anyone,” a depressed and sniffling Francis said as he wrapped his arms around his knees and rocked back... Read More

Next Page »