Fr. Frank Pavone Accidentally Named Supreme Court Nominee After Obama Inadvertently Picks Up Wrong File From Desk

Image: Wiki Commons Catholic priest and pro-life activist Fr. Frank Pavone was accidentally made President Obama’s choice to fill the vacant Supreme Court seat after an intern inadvertently mixed up several White House files, sources are reporting. A clearly embarrassed Obama named Pavone as a Supreme Court nominee Wednesday as they stood before a large gathering of attendees in the Rose Garden, both awkwardly glancing at one another for some time... Read More

Local Catholic Frustrated That No Woman On Catholic Match Pure Enough, Hot Enough To Consider

Image: Wikicommons Explaining the difficulties of finding a pure, near sinless, smoking hot blond on the dating site Catholic Match, local Catholic Devin Porter told friends late last night that he was considering giving up ever marrying. “It’s sad that we live in a world where a devout and humble guy like me just can’t find the right girl,” said the 35-year-old bachelor, explaining how past relationships have always failed because the women either... Read More

Breaking: The Remnant Newspaper, National Catholic Reporter To Merge

Image: Andrew Hermiz The Remnant Newspaper and The National Catholic Reporter announced yesterday that they have entered into a merger agreement to create a new entity called The National Remnant Reporter. The organization will become the third-largest Catholic reporting organization in North America and the sixth-largest in the world. As part of the agreement, former Reporter employees will no longer be permitted to write articles that contain more than... Read More

Dissident Theologian Hans Kung Petitions Pope To Reconsider Dogma Of Christ Resurrection

Image: Wikipedia Commons Famous Swiss theologian Hans Küng has reportedly sent a letter to Pope Francis, asking him to reconsider the Church’s stance on the Resurrection of Christ. Speaking to the media this morning from his office in Germany, Kung told reporters that he hoped that “one of the most open-minded” popes in his lifetime would publically declare that the Resurrection did not take place, urging the Pope to also reconsider the Church’s... Read More

Report: LA Religious Education Congress Nothing But Big Fat Load Of Bull

Despite positive reviews from the committee overseeing this year’s Los Angeles Religious Education Congress, a new report out today by EOTT found that virtually everything about the conference is one gigantic Smaug sized turd. “Literally, the only good thing to come out of the conference is when the vendors start packing up to leave,” one researcher said. “We found that nearly every other good thing that comes out of the conference... Read More

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