A Melancholy Pope Michael Still Waiting For Panama Delegates, Welcoming Committee To Pick Him Up From Airport

Photo: AndrewHermez   Pope Michael landed in Panama for the first time on Tuesday, launching a six-day visit that will highlight his love for the Tridentine Mass and his desire to tackle the Church’s most significant political controversies. In an unprecedented welcome for a Church dignitary, the manager at the airport’s Orange Julius, his wife, and their daughters, along with 17-year-old Sbarro cashier and his on-again, off-again girlfriend, traveled... Read More

Francis Strategically Substitutes Word “Environment” For “Abortion” At Public Address At White House

Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau In a strategic attempt to speak about abortion at the White House without being “lambasted” by the media Wednesday, Pope Francis spent the majority of his time substituting the words “environment” and “climate change” for the actual subject of his address: abortion. “It seems clear to me that abortion, I mean climate change, is a problem which can no longer be left to a future generation,” Francis said,... Read More

Francis Hit With Tranquilizer Dart By Swiss Guard Seconds After Putting Down Scripted Statement To Speak Off-Cuff

Photo: AndrewHermez   Pope Francis was hit with a tranquilizer dart this afternoon just moments after putting down a scripted speech to speak off-the-cuff with reporters on his flight to the U.S., officials are reporting. In a 80-minute briefing to the media, a lighthearted Pope Francis began to speak “very candidly,” when the head of the Pope’s security team, reportedly realizing the havoc the off-the-cuff remark might have on the... Read More

Catholic High School Freshman Arrested After Taking Homemade Liturgical Calendar To School

Image: Patnac   Local police chief Ronald Defray announced today that charges will not be filed against Arthur Koch, the Mater Dei Catholic high school freshman arrested Monday after he brought what school officials and police described as a “paper-looking bomb thingy” on campus. At a press conference early this morning, Defray said the device, confiscated by an English teacher despite Koch’s insistence that it was a liturgical calendar, was... Read More

New Annulment Prime Offers 50% Off; Free Shipping

The Vatican announced today that it’s making faster, easier annulments an option via its brand new delivery system, Annulment Prime. The news confirms reports that surfaced last week indicating that the Vatican was staffing up a new “separation division” to compete with services offered by its protestant competitors. The service will give Annulment Prime members faster annulment options at a fraction of the cost. As an introductory offer, members... Read More

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