Vatican Press Office Officially Announces All Phone Lines in Vatican To Be Disconnected For Remainder Of Pontificate

VATICAN––The Vatican Press Office Director Father Federico Lombardi issued a statement to the media today concerning Pope Francis’ recent telephone call to a divorced and remarried Argentine woman, in which he supposedly gave her permission to receive Holy Communion. The woman at the center of the story, Jacqui Sabetta, and her ex-husband told reporters that His Holiness told them that “divorced people who take communion are not doing anything wrong.”

In response to the controversy, Lombardi has issued the following statement:

Statement from the Director of the Holy See Press Office

Several telephone calls have taken place in the context of Pope Francis’ personal pastoral relationships.

Since they do not in any way form part of the Pope’s public activities, no information or comments are to be expected from the Holy See Press Office.

Consequences relating to the teaching of the Church are not to be inferred from these occurrences.

Nevertheless…in light of how out of control these phone calls are becoming, and the distraction they are causing from the Church’s mission, we have decided to disconnect His Holiness’ phone service indefinitely. For the lack of a better term, His Holiness is hereby grounded, his phone has been taken away, as well as his access to social media. He has said nothing wrong, but he knew better than to give ammunition to you in the media.

Our telephone provider, Telefonica, has been notified of our wish that no one be allowed to call outside the Vatican until the end of His Holiness’ pontificate,  and they have assured us that phone service in the Vatican is to be disconnected sometime tonight, before His Holiness finds some spare time and decides to dial someone back home. We ask all of you in the media to please keep this news on the hush-hush until service is successfully shut off.

Thank you for your cooperation.