Report: Jesus Spoke With Spectacular British Accent

Lansing, MI––A recently discovered DVD found in the attic of the Williams family last night has shed light on the language and accent used by the Son of God while on earth, the Lansing family is reporting this morning. After close to 2,000 years, the mystery of Jesus’ dialect and accent was answered after the Williams family’s stunning find while watching a DVD of the 1977 television miniseries of Jesus of Nazareth produced by the BBC.... Read More

Notre Dame Celebrates “Coming Out As Episcopalian Day”

  The University of Notre Dame is holding it’s first-ever “Coming Out as Episcopalian Day” to coincide with “National Coming Out Day,” school officials have announced. “Admitting to the world and loved ones that we do not have inclinations toward the Catholic lifestyle, and that, on the contrary, we are proud Episcopalians, is a big step in taking hold of our identity…without fear,” Secretary to the President of the University Ronald... Read More

Dumbstruck Congregation Listens In Awe As “Judgmental” Pastor Delivers Sound Homily

Encinitas, CA–Listening in shock and horror as a visiting priest delivered what many believed to be a judgmental homily earlier this morning, many parishioners at Sacred Heard Catholic Church in Encinitas, California, were traumatized after listening to what some called “the most sound homily they had ever heard.” “It was disgusting,” one parishioner, Debbie Locke, told EOTT. “This is a Church for goodness sakes.”... Read More

CDF Directs Enthusiasts Not To Host Bigfoot “Seers”

Bear Valley, CA–At the direction of the California Department of Forestry (CDF), a representative for the State agency has written a letter stating that enthusiasts “are not permitted” to participate in gatherings which take for granted that the supposed Bigfoot sightings in California are credible. “The Department [of Forestry] has affirmed that, with regard to the credibility of the ‘sightings’ in question, all should accept the declaration,... Read More

Benedictines Suspend Monk For Bullying Novice

Miami, FL–Benedictines from around the country are calling on the superior of a local Order to “uphold its responsibility to maintain a safe prayer environment for monks.” This follows revelations that long-time Benedictine monk Fr. Richie Incognitus allegedly bullied fellow monk Brother Jonathon Martin. Martin recently left the Order after alleging that Incognitus left a voice mail saying, among other things, that [Martin] was “nothing... Read More

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