Diversity The Greatest Moral Virtue, New Study Finds

According to a new study out today by Georgetown University’s Department of Theology, the theological and moral virtues are no longer the only virtues for attaining happiness, and the greatest of all the virtues has long been ignored. “We’re not talking about environmentalism,” Department of Theology head Deborah Mortiman told the EOTT in an interview earlier this morning. “It’s even more basic than that. What the biblical... Read More

USCCB Restricts Free Spread Of Lumen Fidei; “Just Like St. Paul Did With Book Of Galations.”

Washington, DC––Just a week after the USCCB accused popular Catholic blogger and writer Brandon Vogt of “violating civil and moral law” and stealing from the Pope for making available Pope Francis’ new encyclical as a free download, USCCB officials are now stepping up efforts to justify their stance. In a written statement to the press late last night, an anonymous Bishop attempted to clarify reasons why they called on Vogt to cease... Read More

St. Clare Press Ready To Publish New Non-confrontational Translation Of Bible

Cincinnati, OH––Catholic book publisher and distributer St. Clare Press announced today that their new non-confrontational translation of the Bible will be released sometime this September. St. Clare executive Roger Hammond told the press this week that he hopes the new translation helps to appease the minds of critics that have long called the Bible violent and judgmental. “It took close to a decade to complete this ambitious translation,... Read More

“In Short, Don’t Be Hypocritical Little SOB’s,” Francis Says In First Encyclical

Vatican City––Just days after Pope Francis issued his first encyclical, many theologians are calling his first document a profound meditation on the ancient Christian teaching of how not to be a hypocritical little SOB. The document, called Lumen Fidei, “draws upon centuries of tradition that teaches us that the road to joy and salvation can only be attained by faith and charity, as opposed to the more prominent tendency to become a ‘sniveling... Read More

Report: Recent Vatican Bank Scandal Just What Church Needs Right Now

The Vatican Bank. Vatican City–A new report out today shows that the most recent scandal involving the Vatican Bank is just what the Church freaking needs right now. The report also goes on to reveal that Catholics from the age of reason all the way to those on the brink of death all believe that nothing better could have happened to the Church established by Christ, just as it was trying to avoid yet another freaking scandal. The Vatican has said... Read More

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