Pope Francis Declares Homosexuality Obligatory For All Catholics, New York Times Reports

New York, NY––During an interview given while walking from his airplane arriving from Brazil to the 1983 Ford Escort awaiting to take him to the Vatican, His Holiness Pope Francis declared the new ex-cathedra Catholic dogma that all members of the Catholic Church must become homosexual, the New York Times reported. This declaration is said by the New York Times to have sent shock waves through the Catholic world, and delighted the enormously powerful... Read More

One Million Youth Visit Rio To See Pope On Large Screen

Rio de Janerio, Brazil––Media sources confirm that nearly one million Catholic young people from nearly every country in the world put aside their lives and traveled to Brazil to catch a glimpse of the Holy Father Pope Francis projected onto one of the large screens set up for the papal Mass culminating the World Youth Day celebrations. “The faithfulness and energy of the youth of the Catholic Church is inspiring,” said one attending priest.... Read More

Man Sits Through Entire St. Therese Film; Second John XXIII Miracle Now Confirmed

Murrieta, CA––Just weeks after Pope Francis waived the second miracle requirement for the canonization of Pope John XXIII, the Congregation for the Causes of Saints have announced that they have found and approved a miracle attributed to the late pontiff. What the Vatican is calling an “inexplicable surge of supernatural endurance” by a Murrieta man who was able to sit through a viewing of the 2005 film St. Thérèse in one sitting... Read More

“I Told Him Left…Make A Freaking Left,” Pope Vents To Youth

Rio de Janeiro––Just a day after his driver made a wrong turn down a busy street in Rio de Janeiro, a visibly irritated Pope Francis vented to close to a million youth gathered for World Youth Day. “If I told him once, I told him twenty times, ‘drive…away…from…the…mob…of…people,'” the Pope said to those who had gathered with the anticipation of hearing the Pontiff discuss the role of young people... Read More

New Book Highlights “Systematic Oppression, Degradation” Of Women In Bible

Washington, DC––Fresh off her groundbreaking sermon denouncing “the misogynist St. Paul” for depriving the demoniac girl of her spiritual gifts in Acts 16:16, Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church Reverend Katharine Jefferts Schori has published another landmark piece of scriptural exegesis.  In a new set of essays entitled The Great Amend, Schori highlights the systematic oppression, degradation, and misunderstanding of women throughout... Read More

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