New Study: Sedevacantists Feeling Our Pain…A Lot

Oyster Bay Cove, NY–A new study out today by the Society of St. Pius V reveals that 85% of its members are currently feeling the pain of non-sedevacantist Catholics. The study, done at the Church of Saint Luke in Oyster Bay Cove, New York, asked 200 parishioners to rate how much of non-sedevacantist Catholics’ pain they felt in regards to the current Sede Vacante at the Vatican. “We asked them to rate their feelings on a scale of 8 to 10. 10 being A lot,” St. Luke Pastor Fr. Gregory Pierce told reporters. “Of the 200 polled, 170 said that they had no words to describe the pain they felt.” Pierce went on to reiterate “a lot,” telling reporters that when he said “a lot,” that he meant, “a lot, a lot,” before bitterly adding, “For goodness sakes…43 freaking years or so we’ve been going through this. Do you know what that feels like? I mean, multiply the one week you all have been going through this, times 48 weeks a year, times our 43 years…basically, we feel your pain about 2,064 times more than you.”