[Mayan Apocalypse Update] Head Of CDF Tells Liberal Catholics To Hide Until Notified To Come Out

VATICAN––In anticipation of today’s apocalypse, the head of the Congregation of the Doctrine of Faith, Archbishop Gerhard Ludwig Müller, asked liberal Catholic groups around the world to hide until notified that the cataclysmic event had ended. “Please hide underground, or just go away…far, far away,” Müller said, through a gasmask in a press conference this morning. “This is real. It’s going to happen. Don’t... Read More

Pope Michael I Announces Location Of Upcoming World Youth Day

Pope Michael I interviewed by reporters after the World Youth Day announcement Belvue, KS–Conclavist claimant to the papacy David Bawden, better known as Pope Michael I, announced today in his Wednesday general audience to his mother and four individuals who happened to be walking by, that next year’s World Youth Day would be held at his next door neighbor’s backyard. “I announce with great joy that World Youth Day 2013 will... Read More

Lapsed Catholic Confirms She Is Still Spiritual

27-year-old Sara Matson confirmed to friends yesterday that she was indeed still very spiritual despite no longer attending Mass. Matson, a World Religions teacher at St. Francis Xavier Catholic School in Sherman Oaks, California reported to her friends that she feels her creator’s presence everywhere. “Not that there’s anything wrong with going to church,” Matson later confirmed. “There’s also nothing wrong with... Read More

Man Angry That Only Women Can Become Female Priests

Florence Hensley and companions minutes after practicing mass Medford, OR––Speaking at a Women’s Rights group at the home of fellow parishioner Florence Hensley of Medford, Oregon this week, 58-year-old Roger Shannahan complained that the group was being sexist for unjustly excluding men from the group’s hopes of a female priesthood. “I mean, you could see in the early Church numbers of male figures that held positions of authority,”... Read More

Dominican Still Wearing White Months After Labor Day

Mr. Blackwell’s annual worst dressed list came out yesterday, naming popular Dominican radio personality Father Vincent Serpa as Worst Dressed Celebrity of 2012. “Father Vincent exemplifies the complete opposite of what fashion is meant to be,” Cherry Dean, a Blackwell representative told the press after the announcment yesterday morning. “In lieu of Diesel, he wears Habit; for coat he dons cape; in spite of the established... Read More

« Previous Page — Next Page »