People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Colorado Priest To Appoint Entire Parish Eucharistic Ministers

Loveland, CO––Saint Perpetua Parish Priest Father Nick Farley announced Friday that he would be appointing every single parishioner at his church an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. “In due respect to the amount of Extraordinary... Read More

“Our Father” Ringtone Conveniently Goes Off During “Our Father,” Keeping Everyone In Key

Topeka, KS–According to sources at Our Lady Star of the Sea Parish in Topeka, Kansas, a phone belonging to an unidentified person went off early Sunday morning during the Our Father, despite the pastor’s repeated requests that... Read More

Folk Mass Band Upset Over Masses Interrupting Their Concerts

Yonkers, NY––Blake Jennings, lead guitarist at St. Therese Parish in Yonkers, New York is outraged over what he calls “years of concerts being interrupted by the Mass.” The 56-year-old accountant and father of three has played... Read More

Rookie Monk Out For Advent Season With High Tonsure Sprain

    St. Louis rookie Augustinian Brother Ambrose will be sidelined two to three weeks with a high tonsure sprain, The Augustinian Daily is reporting. Ambrose was injured during last Sunday’s Vesper hour after bowing too fast. “I... Read More

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Libs & Trads

New Poll Shows 50% Of Catholics Disagree With Jesus’ Stance On Gay Marriage

Novi, MI––A new poll out today shows that about half of Catholics in America still disagree with the Second Person of the Trinity’s stance on gay marriage.... Read More

Pope Francis Confirms Cats Still Going To Hell

Pope Francis continues to show he’s not your average pope. During a public appearance this afternoon, Francis attempted to comfort a girl whose cat had died,... Read More

“Yeah, You’re Going To Hell,” SSPX Priest Tells 12-Year-Old Penitent

Local Society of St. Pius X priest Father Marvin McDonald informed 12-year-old parishioner Timmy Seibel that he was, “without a doubt,” going to hell for hitting... Read More

Protestant Friend Knows All He Needs To Know About Catholic Church

Orange County, CA–Area Protestant Ezekial Atkinson reported earlier this morning that he didn’t need a lecture on Church teaching because he “already... Read More

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Politics

Chicago School Board Bans Crosses And Lower Case T’s

In the midst of the political firestorm regarding Montgomery Elementary... Read More

Francis Strategically Substitutes Word “Environment” For “Abortion” At Public Address At White House

Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau In a strategic attempt to speak about... Read More

Imperial Jury Indicts Luke Skywalker; Galactic Empire Cleared

Credit: Wikicommons An imperial grand jury investigating criminal allegations... Read More

Russian Orthodox Church Accused Of Doping Parishioners To Gain Spiritual Advantage

With Armageddon just around the corner, the Russian Orthodox Church is... Read More

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Vatican

Bear From “The Revenant” Has Private Meeting With Pope Francis

Image:AndrewHermiz The bear that played the role of the vicious bear in the movie... Read More

Pope Francis Mandates All Catholics Convert To Lutheranism In New Apostolic Exhortation

Just hours after Pope Francis published his latest work Reformatio Si, Catholic... Read More

Synod On The Family Admits New ‘Caitlyn’ Jenner Vanity Fair Cover ‘A Game Changer’

Members of the Synod on the Family scrambled to meet today to discuss what some... Read More

Wind Gust Nearly Blows Off Benedict’s Zucchetto, Leading Media To Speculate About More Stuff

VATICAN CITY–Media outlets around the world are buzzing with speculation this... Read More

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