People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Developing: Sick Man Attempting To Shake Your Hand During Sign Of Peace
Fort Worth, TX––It is being reported this second that the sick man who has been violently coughing into his hands all Mass has been feverishly trying to get your attention to shake hands during the Sign of Peace. “I already threw... Read More
Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm
Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin... Read More
Parishioner Agnes Day Excited About New Vatican Crackdown On Her Name
Manchester, NH––For over 40 years, Agnes Day, parishioner at St. Luke Parish, has quietly suffered what she called “decades of unnecessary adaptations to her name.” Day, a daily communicant, told Eye of the Tiber how decades... Read More
There Was Certainly A Point During My Clown Mass When I Thought, “What The Hell Am I Doing?”
Pastor of St. Genesius Catholic Church Fr. Edmond Harrington confirmed this afternoon that at one point during his first ever Clown Mass, he looked down at his oversized checkered shoes as he was praying and thought to himself, “Edmond,... Read More
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Libs & Trads
SSPX Sentences Priest To 1,000 Lashes For Smiling During Mass
Society of St. Pius X priest Fr. Donald Johnson has been sentenced to three years in prison and 1,000 lashes for allegedly smiling during the Mass two weeks ago. Johnson... Read More
Weird Sedevacantist Group Apparently Still Waiting for Messiah
Telling those gathered at the annual Confederation of Ultra Traditionalists that they would not recognize the authority of the pope until he acknowledged... Read More
Pelosi Excommunicates Cordileone
Washington, DC––In an astonishing move today, Minority Leader of the House of Representatives and Mouthpiece of God in the United States Nancy Pelosi has excommunicated... Read More
Grief Counselors Dispatched To San Diego After New Progressive Bishop Named
A mobile team of professional grief counselors and psychologists from Lockword & Sandersen Mental Health, Inc., a clinic based in Raleigh, North Carolina, has... Read More
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Politics
First Lady Melania Trump Swats Away President’s Hand During Our Father
Image_Dodo For the second time in just a few days, first lady Melania... Read More
Francis Urges Americans To Build Wall Around Trump
Image:Michael Vadon Pope Francis said Thursday that presidential candidate Donald... Read More
Vatican Investigating Possible Russian Orthodox Hack Of 2013 Papal Elections
In a surprise press conference today, Monsignor Buonarroti, Head of the... Read More
Chicago School Board Bans Crosses And Lower Case T’s
In the midst of the political firestorm regarding Montgomery Elementary... Read More
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Vatican
Pope Francis Meets With Carrot Top
Image: Timothy Evans American stand-up comedian Scott Thompson, better known... Read More
“Screw It, Just Canonize Them All,” The Vatican Says
VATICAN––The Vatican this morning is announcing that every pope that has ever... Read More
Vatican Opens Retirement Community To Accommodate Expected Influx Of Retired Popes
Following comments made by Pope Francis last week stating that he felt his pontificate... Read More
Pope To Move Crystal Cathedral To Rome?
(Photo: Crystal Cathedral, 21 June 2005/Nepenthes) Vatican City––According to... Read More