People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Eucharistic Minister Sanitizing Hell Out Of Hands Before Distributing Communion

Local Eucharistic Minister Courtney Smith has been sanitizing the living hell out her hands for the past two minutes in preparation to distribute Holy Communion, parishioners are reporting. According to parishioners at the 9:30 morning Mass... Read More

Vatican Approves New Emoji Translation Of Mass

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has approved a new emoji translation of the Mass to help young adults more actively follow along during church services. “We’ve found that most young adults can no longer read complete sentences... Read More

Parishioner Agnes Day Excited About New Vatican Crackdown On Her Name

Manchester, NH––For over 40 years, Agnes Day, parishioner at St. Luke Parish, has quietly suffered what she called “decades of unnecessary adaptations to her name.” Day, a daily communicant, told Eye of the Tiber how decades... Read More

“Extraordinary Mass Should Not Be The Norm,” Extraordinary Minister Of Holy Communion Reporting

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee––Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion Ernest Robbins is reporting to friends and family that the Extraordinary Form of the Liturgy “should never become the norm,” but that it should “remain... Read More

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Libs & Trads

NASA Discovers Earth-like Planet That Could Support Maryknoll Fathers

NASA astronomers today revealed that they have discovered an Earth-like planet close to 600 light years away that might be able to sustain the Maryknoll Fathers... Read More

Black Sheep Dog, John Corapi, Issues Apology

Hudson, NY––Former S.O.L.T. priest, John Corapi, has apologized today for what he called a “negligent and insensitive decision.” On June 7th, 2011,... Read More

Man Angry That Only Women Can Become Female Priests

Florence Hensley and companions minutes after practicing mass Medford, OR––Speaking at a Women’s Rights group at the home of fellow parishioner Florence... Read More

Report: LA Religious Education Congress Nothing But Big Fat Load Of Bull

Despite positive reviews from the committee overseeing this year’s Los Angeles Religious Education Congress, a new report out today by EOTT found that virtually... Read More

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Politics

Lila Rose Goes Undercover As Fetus

In an astounding show of acting dexterity, Lila Rose, President of the... Read More

Italian Doctor Prescribes Israel, Palestine High Dose Of Chill Pill

ROME––At the request of Pope Benedict XVI, Rome’s foremost family counselor Dr. Umberto... Read More

New Terrorist Video Shows Christians Being Served Coffee In Red Cups

A new terrorist video put out today by Starbucks shows the latest batch... Read More

Local Christian Still Pretty Hopeful Abortion Soon To Be Banned After Brett Kavanaugh Sides With Planned Parenthood

  Telling fellow parishioners that even though Brett Kavanaugh for... Read More

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Vatican

Curia Surprises Francis with One-Way Ticket to Buenos Aires

Roman Curia officials pulled out all the stops this year to celebrate the 4th anniversary... Read More

Pope Francis Names Archbishop Cupich As His Successor

Image: Goat_Girl The Vatican announced this week that Chicago Archbishop Blase Cupich... Read More

Pope Francis Not Sure How To Make Sense Of What He Just Said

VATICAN–Speaking to pilgrims during his weekly Wednesday audience yesterday,... Read More

Benedict XVI: “The Entire Vial Of Blood, Including Reliquary, Would’ve Liquefied If I Was Holding It”

Just days after St. Gennaro’s blood liquefied after Pope Francis kissed the... Read More

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