People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Colorado Priest To Appoint Entire Parish Eucharistic Ministers
Loveland, CO––Saint Perpetua Parish Priest Father Nick Farley announced Friday that he would be appointing every single parishioner at his church an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. “In due respect to the amount of Extraordinary... Read More
“Our Father” Ringtone Conveniently Goes Off During “Our Father,” Keeping Everyone In Key
Topeka, KS–According to sources at Our Lady Star of the Sea Parish in Topeka, Kansas, a phone belonging to an unidentified person went off early Sunday morning during the Our Father, despite the pastor’s repeated requests that... Read More
Folk Mass Band Upset Over Masses Interrupting Their Concerts
Yonkers, NY––Blake Jennings, lead guitarist at St. Therese Parish in Yonkers, New York is outraged over what he calls “years of concerts being interrupted by the Mass.” The 56-year-old accountant and father of three has played... Read More
Rookie Monk Out For Advent Season With High Tonsure Sprain
St. Louis rookie Augustinian Brother Ambrose will be sidelined two to three weeks with a high tonsure sprain, The Augustinian Daily is reporting. Ambrose was injured during last Sunday’s Vesper hour after bowing too fast. “I... Read More
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Libs & Trads
New Poll Shows 50% Of Catholics Disagree With Jesus’ Stance On Gay Marriage
Novi, MI––A new poll out today shows that about half of Catholics in America still disagree with the Second Person of the Trinity’s stance on gay marriage.... Read More
Pope Francis Confirms Cats Still Going To Hell
Pope Francis continues to show he’s not your average pope. During a public appearance this afternoon, Francis attempted to comfort a girl whose cat had died,... Read More
“Yeah, You’re Going To Hell,” SSPX Priest Tells 12-Year-Old Penitent
Local Society of St. Pius X priest Father Marvin McDonald informed 12-year-old parishioner Timmy Seibel that he was, “without a doubt,” going to hell for hitting... Read More
Protestant Friend Knows All He Needs To Know About Catholic Church
Orange County, CA–Area Protestant Ezekial Atkinson reported earlier this morning that he didn’t need a lecture on Church teaching because he “already... Read More
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Politics
Chicago School Board Bans Crosses And Lower Case T’s
In the midst of the political firestorm regarding Montgomery Elementary... Read More
Francis Strategically Substitutes Word “Environment” For “Abortion” At Public Address At White House
Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau In a strategic attempt to speak about... Read More
Imperial Jury Indicts Luke Skywalker; Galactic Empire Cleared
Credit: Wikicommons An imperial grand jury investigating criminal allegations... Read More
Russian Orthodox Church Accused Of Doping Parishioners To Gain Spiritual Advantage
With Armageddon just around the corner, the Russian Orthodox Church is... Read More
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Vatican
Bear From “The Revenant” Has Private Meeting With Pope Francis
Image:AndrewHermiz The bear that played the role of the vicious bear in the movie... Read More
Pope Francis Mandates All Catholics Convert To Lutheranism In New Apostolic Exhortation
Just hours after Pope Francis published his latest work Reformatio Si, Catholic... Read More
Synod On The Family Admits New ‘Caitlyn’ Jenner Vanity Fair Cover ‘A Game Changer’
Members of the Synod on the Family scrambled to meet today to discuss what some... Read More
Wind Gust Nearly Blows Off Benedict’s Zucchetto, Leading Media To Speculate About More Stuff
VATICAN CITY–Media outlets around the world are buzzing with speculation this... Read More