Scalia Beheaded For Wearing Thomas More Hat To Inauguration

Washington, DC––Just one day after he was seen wearing a replica of the cap made famous by 16th century martyr Thomas More, thousands of onlookers today witnessed the beheading of Justice Anton Scalia in the National Mall. Under heavy security, Scalia, a conservative jurist in the Supreme Court, was escorted out of the National Mall by officials for questioning immediately after the Presidential... Read More

Italian Doctor Prescribes Israel, Palestine High Dose Of Chill Pill

ROME––At the request of Pope Benedict XVI, Rome’s foremost family counselor Dr. Umberto Navarro announced today that he has sat down with Israel and Palestine to try to encourage the volitile couple to peacefully work out their issues. “I sat down with the couple for an hour long counseling session and it quickly became apparent that the relationship is not only insecure,... Read More

Area Catholic Offended by the Phrase “Merry Christmas”

New York, NY––Local Catholic and Liturgical stickler Gerry Brownstone was offended earlier today when leaving his local Food-Mart, after the greeter wished him a “Merry Christmas.” “Who does that guy think he is, saying that to me?” Brownstone said. “Advent has barely begun. The Liturgical Calendar has a Christmas season, you ignoramus, and it begins after the... Read More

Christian Groups Protest to “Keep the Christ in X-Men”

Devout Christian Marvel Comic enthusiasts protest to keep Christ in X-Men                       Photo: Gage Skidmore Shelby, MI–Decrying the recent secularization of the comic book industry, Christian groups across the nation are joining forces to defend traditional values in the “War on X-Men.” “First the God-given charisms of the X-Men are explained by a bogus... Read More

As Israel And Palestine Brace For War, Vatican Set To March On Jerusalem

TEL AVIV––After days of Israeli bombings in and around Gaza, Hamas has retaliated with a rocket that killed three just north of the Gaza Strip, bringing the death toll up to 19. As the conflict in the fragile region continues to escalate, some believe that the Vatican’s decision to send 100 Swiss Guards to march and retake Jerusalem a mistake. “I guess I’m just kinda confused,”... Read More

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