Catholic Dimwit Didn’t Even Know Wednesday Ashes Come From Cremated Pets

Local Catholic dimwit Elton Price admitted to friends today that he had absolutely no clue that ashes used during Ash Wednesday Masses came from cremated pets. The parish ignoramus, who up until last week didn’t even know that Catholics worship Mary, thought that ashes actually came from branches used in the prior year’s Palm Sunday services, one friends reported to EOTT. “Elton has never... Read More

Bosnians Upset To Learn Madonna Concert In Medjugorje Performed By Imposter

  The Bosnian Times is reporting this morning that Medjugorje Mayor Alojzige Zovgo is denying reports that a recent Madonna concert was performed by an impostor. Many fans became suspicious when the musician began to sing, and lyrics to well known songs appeared inconsistent with original recordings. Skeptics have not yet been able to confirm who may have been impersonating the Material... Read More

New Federal HHS Mandate To Force Protestant Business Owners To Pray To Mary Against Their Consciences

Washington, DC––Horizon Baptist College in Washington, DC has become the first casualty of the new HHS mandate that requires Protestant colleges, groups, and businesses to pray to Mary, Mother of God. A top legislative staffer for the U.S. Baptist Convention says that the nations Protestant leaders will push for congress to approve conscience exemptions for the new mandate. The mandate also... Read More

Statue In Cathedral Of Our Lady Of The Angels Wondering Why Everyone Keeps Laughing At It

Los Angeles, CA––The Virgin Mary statue at the entrance of Our Lady of the Angels Cathedral in Los Angeles announced today that it was becoming evermore frustrated and frankly rather confused by the amount of mockery it has received since it was first created. The 8-foot-tall, modern representation of the Virgin Mary told Eye of the Tiber that ever since it was created in 2002, it has... Read More

Thousands Expected To Ring In The Solemnity Of Mary Mother Of God In Times Square

Final preparations are underway in New York City this morning as hundreds of volunteers work to transform Times Square into party central in anticipation for tonight’s count down to the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God. In the annual event celebrating the Blessed Virgin Mary’s divine motherhood to Jesus Christ, thousands are again expected to pack the streets of Times Square to watch... Read More