The Dark Lord Sauron To Head Upcoming LCWR Annual Assembly

MORDOR––Sister Florence Deacon announced today that the upcoming annual assembly for the Leadership Conference of Women Religious would be taking place at the smoldering base of Mount Doom in Mordor, and would be lead by the Dark Lord Sauron. The announcement came in a joint statement between LCWR leaders and numerous well know officials from the lands surrounding Mordor including Azog... Read More

Area Jesuit Excited About New “Clerics” From Tommy Bahama

Seattle, WA––The Seattle-based manufacturer of casual men’s sportswear Tommy Bahama is set to release its highly-anticipated new line of clothing for Jesuits this week. The clothing company, whose men’s sportswear lines already include Tommy Bahama Collection, Tommy Bahama Relax, and Tommy Bahama Denim will begin selling Tommy Bahama Jesuit starting this Saturday. Company Spokesman... Read More

Tensions Escalate As North Korea Threatens To Deploy LCWR Nuns On West

Defense Secretary James Mattis is calling North Korea’s threat to use LCWR nuns strapped to long-range missiles a “provocative action” and a “growing threat” to the U.S. and its allies. In a telephone call to EOTT Tuesday evening, Mattis cited North Korea’s pursuit of nuclear weapons and ballistic missiles as “nothing compared to the threat of one... Read More

Archbishop Gerhard Müller To LCWR Nuns: “Shhh!”

VATICAN––Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith Archbishop Gerhard Müller met with leaders of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious this week. The meeting had been requested by the LCWR to address what they called deficiencies in regards to the doctrinal assessment of their organization released by the CDF in April. “We were hoping for a more open discussion... Read More

Former LCWR President’s Dynamic Speech May Change Pope’s Mind On Female Ordination

PHOTO: Lisa Johnston ROME––Former President of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious, Pat Ferrell, delivered an electrifying speech yesterday to Pope Benedict XVI and top Church officials regarding the necessity of female priests. Many Vatican analysts now believe the speech will be the catalyst to female ordination. “It was one of the most insightful…one of the most... Read More