Area Jesuit Excited About New “Clerics” From Tommy Bahama

Seattle, WA––The Seattle-based manufacturer of casual men’s sportswear Tommy Bahama is set to release its highly-anticipated new line of clothing for Jesuits this week. The clothing company, whose men’s sportswear lines already include Tommy Bahama Collection, Tommy Bahama Relax, and Tommy Bahama Denim will begin selling Tommy Bahama Jesuit starting this Saturday. Company Spokesman... Read More

New Text Message Mass All The Rage At Gonzaga University

Spokane, Washington–Expressing sadness for the lack of attention from parishioners during Sunday Masses, Gonzaga University priest Fr. John Conti has recently instituted an all new “Text-Message-Only Mass.” The Gonzaga graduate who just celebrated his 15th anniversary of priesthood told reporters that the idea came to him as he sat listening to the deacon read the epistle.... Read More

Four Jesuit Missionaries Dead After Battle With Portuguese Colonists

In memoriam:Father Gabriel, Rodrigo Mendoza, Fielding, The Other Jesuit Iguazu Falls, Argentina–Hundreds of Guarani tribe members, including four Jesuit missionaries, were slain early this week when their Mission, located atop the perilous Iguazu Falls on the boundaries of Argentina and Brazil, was attacked by a coalition of Spanish and Portuguese colonists. The Mission’s land, once under... Read More

Jesuit Celebrates Halloween By Dressing Up In “Priest Costume”

Hoping to surprise his family and friends at Holy Trinity Parish’s annual Halloween Breakfast this morning, local Jesuit Fr. Walter Allen arrived dressed as a Roman Catholic Priest. “It’s always been a fun little idea of mine to wear one of these things,” Allen said, shortly after he surprised those gathered at the breakfast. “He walked right up to us and asked... Read More

Mars Curiosity Rover Successfully Reaches Jesuit Seminary

Pool photo by Brian van der Brug Berkeley, CA––NASA announced Tuesday that its 2.5 billion dollar Mars Curiosity Rover has successfully touched down in the Jesuit Seminary in Berkeley. For close to a decade, the Church and NASA alike have been fascinated with the possibility that the Jesuit seminary might at one time have contained the chemical resources and ingredients needed to support... Read More