89-Year-Old Journalist Who Reconstructed Francis Interview From Memory Can’t Find His Teeth

ROME––After speculation began to circulate regarding the validity of a recent interview between journalist Eugenio Scalfari and Pope Francis published in La Repubblica, the Vatican confirmed yesterday that the interview was not taped, and that the 89-year-old journalist had not only “forgotten to take notes, but that he had also misplaced his teeth.” Just days after the interview... Read More

Man Whose Every Word Is Misrepresented Thinks 12,000 Word Interview A Good Idea

VATICAN––It was reported earlier this week that an outgoing Argentinian born man, whose every single word is misconstrued and misrepresented by friends in the media, has for some reason, resolved to give them an additional 12,000 more words to have fun with. “If you think about it, what’s the worst that could happen?” said the man as he neglected to write down even just... Read More

Local Doctor Tells Patient to Stop Being “Obsessed” with his Cancer

Minneapolis, MN––Dr. Simon Townsend, in an interview with United States Magazine, sent a clear message to his patient, Mr. Christopher Watts, who is suffering from stage-four terminal cancer. “Mr. Watts needs to stop letting himself get locked up in small things like the ever-growing tumors in his lungs that daily threaten his life.” Citing a need for his patient to widen his... Read More