5-Year-Old Parishioner Thinks Being Removed From Mass During Homily For Children’s Ministry A Complete Load Of Bull Crap

Beaverton, OR–Speaking to a group of children gathered in a room next to St. Margret Catholic Church in Beaverton, Oregon this Sunday, 5-year-old parishioner Jacob Kelting expressed his frustration at having to be “herded” out of church and into the Children’s Ministry Room. Kelting reported that the idea that children should be removed from the splendor of the Mass just to color in... Read More

Man Dressed As Tabernacle At Halloween Party Ignored; Is Moved To Corner Of Room

According to reports from several eyewitnesses moments ago, 27-year-old Emmanuel Dickens, who showed up to a Halloween party dressed as his favorite tabernacle, was promptly ignored and escorted to the corner of the room. The party’s host Thomas Martin told EOTT that having Dickens there was “for some reason just kinda putting a damper on the fellowship thing” he was going for. “It’s... Read More

Parishioners Mystified By Sudden Appearance Of Mysterious, Shiny Golden Box

Just weeks after being appointed a new young pastor, parishioners at St. Agatha Catholic Church were baffled this morning when they saw a large, gold, “magical box-looking thingy” sitting directly behind the altar as they entered church. “Well, we all walked in to church this morning and saw this golden box placed right where our old pastor, Fr. Rick, sat during the Mass,”... Read More