Dolan, Jenky To Settle Dispute Over Sheen Remains In Octagon

A verbal battle between two Catholic leaders over the body of legendary Archbishop Fulton Sheen has put the former television personality’s sainthood campaign on hiatus. The bishop of Peoria,  Illinois, Bishop Daniel Jenky, has been working to beatify Sheen for some time, but all that came to an unexpected hiatus this week when Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York reportedly told Jenky to “Back... Read More

“Screw It, Just Canonize Them All,” The Vatican Says

VATICAN––The Vatican this morning is announcing that every pope that has ever lived, including ones still living, is to be canonized by the end of the year, sources are confirming. The news comes just a week after John XXIII and John Paul II were canonized, and a day after it was announced that Paul VI was to be beatified later this year. A Vatican insider told EOTT today that Pope Francis... Read More

SSPX Vehemently Protesting Canonization of St. Peter

VATICAN––Members of the Society of St. Pius X have stormed the internet and radio waves in violent protest against the upcoming canonization of Pope Simon Peter I. The backlash was worse than expected by the Holy See, and the protesters have not pulled any punches. One commentator on a popular tridentine website morecatholicthanthepope.com wrote, “This is the guy who denied Christ three... Read More

Man Sits Through Entire St. Therese Film; Second John XXIII Miracle Now Confirmed

Murrieta, CA––Just weeks after Pope Francis waived the second miracle requirement for the canonization of Pope John XXIII, the Congregation for the Causes of Saints have announced that they have found and approved a miracle attributed to the late pontiff. What the Vatican is calling an “inexplicable surge of supernatural endurance” by a Murrieta man who was able to sit through... Read More