Fetus Only A Blob Of Tissue, Says 47-Year-Old Blob Of Tissue

While reiterating  that a fetus is nothing more than a blob of tissue, a 47-year-old blob of tissue today told a gathering of the Planned Parenthood Clergy Advisory Board that a fetus is only a human being in potential. “We must remember that until a fetus has a heart and a brain, it is not a human being” said the aged mass of cells, who, despite her age, was lacking a heart and brain herself.... Read More

Dumbstruck Congregation Listens In Awe As “Judgmental” Pastor Delivers Sound Homily

Encinitas, CA–Listening in shock and horror as a visiting priest delivered what many believed to be a judgmental homily earlier this morning, many parishioners at Sacred Heard Catholic Church in Encinitas, California, were traumatized after listening to what some called “the most sound homily they had ever heard.” “It was disgusting,” one parishioner, Debbie Locke,... Read More

Pelosi On Virgin Sacrifices During Satanic Masses: “This Is Sacred Ground To Me As Well”

Washington, DC––Members of the pro-life movement have denounced House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi after remarks that she, as a Catholic, viewed the protection of the sacrifice of virgins during Black Masses as sacred ground. “As a practicing and respectful Catholic, this is sacred ground to me when we talk about this,” Pelosi said in a statement last week, going on to say... Read More

CNN Forced To Neglect Coverage Of March For Life Due To Breaking Footage Of Dolphin Stranded In NYC Canal

  Atlanta, GA––CNN PR director Richard Seymour apologized to viewers via twitter this afternoon after station officials realized they would not be covering the annual March for Life due to breaking footage released of a dolphin stranded in Brooklyn’s highly polluted Gowanus Canal. “Un4tunately not gonna be covring the March on CNN,“ he wrote via his twitter page.... Read More

Around The Clock Coverage As Tens Of People March To Protect European Starling Bird Eggs

European Starling eggs. Washington, DC–MSNBC has announced that they will be providing around the clock coverage of this weekend’s March for Life for European Starling eggs. According to network sources, the right to life and liberty for all creatures, including European Starlings, is “paramount, and the most important issue of our day.” “The European Starling... Read More

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