People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Parishioner Believes She Might Have Just Understood A Word Visiting Nigerian Priest Said During Homily

Claiming that she was almost certain she had comprehend a word the new visiting Nigerian priest used during the homily, longtime parishioner Abby Longworth excitedly turned to friends and fellow parishioners today to inform them of the good... Read More

Catholic Cyborgs Being Developed To Help Fill Churches

The Congregation for the Development of Mechanical Persons (CDMP) announced today that they have successfully developed their first batch of cyborg parishioners to help fill pews. The exciting news comes as the Church struggles with a world-wide... Read More

Irish Priests To Extend Confession Times To 8 Hours A Day Because Of “Gargantuan” Number Of Penitents

DUBLIN––At the annual conference of the Association of Catholic Priests in Dublin, pastors from across Ireland gathered to voice their concerns about the “gargantuan” number of Catholics going to confession. “This is a full... Read More

After 26 Weeks Of Anticipation, 27th Sunday In Ordinary Time Just Around Corner

Thousands flock to St. Peter’s to reserve spots for Mass during the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The Christian West––After 26 weeks of eager anticipation, it was reported today that hundreds of millions of Catholics from across the... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Outrage After Catholic University Accidentally Hires Practicing Catholic To Head Department Of Theology

Image:-Walleigh   A Catholic university is under fire this week after school administrators accidentally hired 37-year-old Todd Alguire, a practicing Catholic,... Read More

No One At Mass Sure Whether They At Catholic Or Protestant Service

Despite efforts to figure whether they were in a Catholic or Protestant service, local parishioners were left baffled after an “animated” man wearing vestments... Read More

Statue In Cathedral Of Our Lady Of The Angels Wondering Why Everyone Keeps Laughing At It

Los Angeles, CA––The Virgin Mary statue at the entrance of Our Lady of the Angels Cathedral in Los Angeles announced today that it was becoming evermore frustrated... Read More

Pope Encourages Women To Reveal Breasts In Sistine Chapel, Feminist Newspaper Reports

VATICAN––“He is 77, celibate, and the Vicar of Christ; a role which, up until his papacy, was known for its prudishness,” Evi Quinn, journalist for the... Read More

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Politics

Vatican Does Not Deny Francis Visit With Tom Brady; Tells QB To “Stay Strong”

Image: Andrew Campbell/Flickr   A source close to Pope Francis this... Read More

Francis Strategically Substitutes Word “Environment” For “Abortion” At Public Address At White House

Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau In a strategic attempt to speak about... Read More

Cardinal Dolan Bans Chaldean Rite Catholics From Entering Diocese For 90 Days

Cardinal Timothy Dolan’s move to ban thousands of Chaldean Rite... Read More

World Must Choose Between Excommunicating And Canonizing Covington Teens, With No Other Options

      Students from Covington Catholic high school located... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Names Archbishop Cupich As His Successor

Image: Goat_Girl The Vatican announced this week that Chicago Archbishop Blase Cupich... Read More

Unambitious Protester Scales St. Peter’s United Methodist Church

Ocean City, NJ––A New Jersey man has eluded staff and scaled the 30-foot roof... Read More

Vatican To Project Microsoft Bubbles Screensaver Onto St. Peter’s Whenever Basilica Not In Use

An illuminated projection of the Microsoft Office Bubbles theme onto the facade... Read More

[Mayan Apocalypse Update] Head Of CDF Tells Liberal Catholics To Hide Until Notified To Come Out

VATICAN––In anticipation of today’s apocalypse, the head of the Congregation of... Read More

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