People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Lazy Man Not Helping To Put Up Kneeler

West Bloomfield, MI––A source out of St. Ulric Catholic Church in West Bloomfield, Michigan confirmed Sunday that parishioner Alexander Ramsey had not lifted a finger to assist in putting up or down the kneeler for the consecration. “I... Read More

“Extraordinary Mass Should Not Be The Norm,” Extraordinary Minister Of Holy Communion Reporting

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee––Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion Ernest Robbins is reporting to friends and family that the Extraordinary Form of the Liturgy “should never become the norm,” but that it should “remain... Read More

No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours

  Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours earlier this morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating anyone willing to bring up the bread... Read More

Parishioner Believes She Might Have Just Understood A Word Visiting Nigerian Priest Said During Homily

Claiming that she was almost certain she had comprehend a word the new visiting Nigerian priest used during the homily, longtime parishioner Abby Longworth excitedly turned to friends and fellow parishioners today to inform them of the good... Read More

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Libs & Trads

San Diego Bishop To Have Diocese Sprayed In Effort To Fight The Spread Of Orthodoxy

In an effort to combat what is being called a “fast-moving and highly contagious disease,” officials at the Diocese of San Diego announced today that they will... Read More

Grief Counselors Dispatched To San Diego After New Progressive Bishop Named

A mobile team of professional grief counselors and psychologists from Lockword & Sandersen Mental Health, Inc., a clinic based in Raleigh, North Carolina, has... Read More

Breaking Bad Finale: Walter White’s Issues Revealed As Consequence Of Poor Childhood Catechesis

Albuquerque, NM–After five seasons, the critically acclaimed AMC drama Breaking Bad came to end last night with a stunning twist revealing that the string... Read More

National Catholic Reporter Beats Out Eye Of The Tiber For Best Catholic News Parody

Los Angeles, CA––Winners of the 10th annual National Catholic Awards were announced last night at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood. The star-studded event, which... Read More

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Politics

Planned Oklahoma City Black Mass Stirring Controversy With Schismatic Satanist Group

Oklahoma City, OK–The black mass scheduled for September 21 in Oklahoma... Read More

Thousands Sign Petition Calling For Immediate Canonization Of Harambe

Animal rights activists have created an online petition asking the Congregation... Read More

Bombing Of St. Augustine High School Traced To Manicheans

Nashville, TN–Police officials reported that their investigation... Read More

Pope Francis Spends First Day In Korea Wondering Whether He’s In The Good Or Bad Korea

Seoul, Good Korea–The pope read a 10-minute speech in English at... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Says He Would Baptise Aliens

Pope Francis has said that he would be willing to baptise aliens if they came to... Read More

Pope To Move Crystal Cathedral To Rome?

(Photo: Crystal Cathedral, 21 June 2005/Nepenthes) Vatican City––According... Read More

Francis Waives “Five-Century Rule” For Inquiry Into Possible Canonization Of Martin Luther

In a press conference aboard the papal plane this morning, Pope Francis confirmed... Read More

Pope Francis To Allow Contraception For Rabbits, Media Reporting

Just days after Pope Francis made statements supporting the Church’s ban... Read More

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