People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Elderly Woman Mumbling Words Of Consecration From Pew

Parishioners at the Catholic parish of St. Adelaide let out a sigh of relief during Mass this morning after parishioner Veronica Hough validated the consecration by mumbling the words of institution along with the priest. Many parishioners... Read More

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear

Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last... Read More

Catholic School Children Offended By Dumbed Down Homily

El Centro, CA–Students at St. Therese of Carmel Acadamy walked out of Mass confounded earlier this morning after parish priest Fr. Ted Cordova delivered an over simplified homily about the Lord’s command to forgive “not... Read More

Report: Priest Doing That Stupid Thing Where He Walks Up And Down Aisle During Homily

Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe   Being asked about how their weekends were going, parishioners at St. Luke Parish announced Sunday that Fr. Todd Bunnell was, yet again, leaving the podium and making his way down to the aisle... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Daylight Savings News: Sedevacantist Family Moves Clocks Back Seven Centuries

After having set the family clock back seven centuries for daylight savings this past weekend, patriarch of a local sedevacantist family told EOTT this morning... Read More

Statue In Cathedral Of Our Lady Of The Angels Wondering Why Everyone Keeps Laughing At It

Los Angeles, CA––The Virgin Mary statue at the entrance of Our Lady of the Angels Cathedral in Los Angeles announced today that it was becoming evermore frustrated... Read More

Jack Chick Having Heated Debate With Saint Peter At Pearly Gates

Image:Brendan Riley Evangelical cartoonist Jack Chick whose tracts spread biblical messages to the pagan world, as well as notified a billion Roman Catholics that... Read More

2-Year-Old Boy Named Lefebvre Being Extremely Disobedient To Father

Chino, CA–Citing his son’s refusal to adhere to any of his warnings, Robert Kosheta, once proud father of local 2-year-old Lefebvre Kosheta, reported... Read More

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Politics

Benedictines Suspend Monk For Bullying Novice

Miami, FL–Benedictines from around the country are calling on the... Read More

Mexican President Obrador Calls For Border Wall To Help Keep Out Drunk College Students From Entering Country During Spring Break

Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador took to national... Read More

USCCB Sword Swallowing Challenge Raising Little Money, Causing Terrible Injuries

You’ve seen all the USCCB Sword Swallowing Challenge videos by now.... Read More

California Lawmakers Pass New Opposite-Sex Marriage Ban

SACRAMENTO–New marriages involving people of the opposite sex will... Read More

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Vatican

Pope, Bishops Decide It’s Finally Time To Do Something About Sexual Abuse Crisis After YouTube Goes Offline

  Pope Francis and bishops from around the globe unanimously decided to actually... Read More

Cardinal Burke Demoted To Chaplain Of Akron RubberDucks Minor League Baseball Team

Akron, OH–Pope Francis has reportedly planned to remove Cardinal Raymond Burke... Read More

Second Paul VI Miracle Approved After Priest Gives Homily On Humanae Vitae

VATICAN—Just days after Pope Paul VI moved one step closer to canonization after... Read More

Use Of Cell Phones At Mass A “Very Ugly Thing,” Pope Tweets During Mass

  Pope Francis took to Twitter on Wednesday afternoon to chastise some in the... Read More

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