People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours

  Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours earlier this morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating anyone willing to bring up the bread... Read More

Lazy Man Not Helping To Put Up Kneeler

West Bloomfield, MI––A source out of St. Ulric Catholic Church in West Bloomfield, Michigan confirmed Sunday that parishioner Alexander Ramsey had not lifted a finger to assist in putting up or down the kneeler for the consecration. “I... Read More

Man Found Dead After Botched Homily

A man whose body was found in a pew at St. Cecila’s Church Friday died from blunt trauma to the heart, the San Bernardino County medical examiners office found after autopsies performed this morning. “We can’t say much at... Read More

“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report

YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”

Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael announced to those gathered in the papal living room that, as sign of unity between... Read More

Rad Trad Woman Just Wants A Good Man Who’s Willing To Wait Till Marriage Before Flagellating

Local SSPV woman Deanna Russell confessed to friends late last night that all she wanted in life was a good and holy man who was willing to wait till marriage before... Read More

Knights Of Columbus Amassing Troops In Preparation For Vatican Takeover Of Malta

Tensions have escalated between conservative and liberal Catholics today as Knights of Columbus members amassed on Malta’s border, which was recently annexed... Read More

Pelosi Excommunicates Cordileone

Washington, DC––In an astonishing move today, Minority Leader of the House of Representatives and Mouthpiece of God in the United States Nancy Pelosi has excommunicated... Read More

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Politics

New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles

  A new  ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California... Read More

EWTN Officially Endorses Trump For The Papacy

Image: Gage Skidmore Just a day before EWTN plans to air an exclusive interview... Read More

Cohen Accuses Trump Of Not Being The Chivalrous Gentleman and Scholar Entire Nation Thinks He Is

Image: Gage Skidmore In devastating testimony on Capitol Hill earlier... Read More

First Lady Melania Trump Swats Away President’s Hand During Our Father

Image_Dodo   For the second time in just a few days, first lady Melania... Read More

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Vatican

[Mayan Apocalypse Update] Head Of CDF Tells Liberal Catholics To Hide Until Notified To Come Out

VATICAN––In anticipation of today’s apocalypse, the head of the Congregation of... Read More

Pope Benedict Declares 2013 “Year Of Stuff”

Vatican – Wednesday Angelus attendees were shocked today when His Holiness Pope... Read More

Pope Francis Bows To Refrigerator, Houseplant

VATICAN CITY–As head of state at the Vatican, as well as leader of the world’s... Read More

Captain America, Iron Man Split Over Vigano Letter

  Iron man and Captain America have been seen fighting inside St. Peter’s... Read More

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