People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Android Priests Being Developed To Help Say Mass, Hear Confessions

Prototype clergydroid Fr. SRT4-11392 celebrating its first wedding ceremony. Vatican––The Vatican has confirmed reports today that an agreement has been reached with the International Federation of Robotics (IFR) to begin development of... Read More

Eucharistic Minister Sanitizing Hell Out Of Hands Before Distributing Communion

Local Eucharistic Minister Courtney Smith has been sanitizing the living hell out her hands for the past two minutes in preparation to distribute Holy Communion, parishioners are reporting. According to parishioners at the 9:30 morning Mass... Read More

Creepy Clown Masses On The Rise

Image: Graeme Maclean Reports out of Cincinnati, Ohio today suggest sightings of Creepy Clown Masses are on the rise nationwide, and at levels not seen since the introduction of the 3rd typical edition of the Roman Missal five years ago. While... Read More

Elderly Woman Mumbling Words Of Consecration From Pew

Parishioners at the Catholic parish of St. Adelaide let out a sigh of relief during Mass this morning after parishioner Veronica Hough validated the consecration by mumbling the words of institution along with the priest. Many parishioners... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Müller To Build Vatican II Theme Park

VATICAN–Speaking to the press Wednesday afternoon, Prefect of the Congregation of the Doctrine of Faith Archbishop Gerhard Ludwig Müller announced plans... Read More

Notre Dame Celebrates “Coming Out As Episcopalian Day”

  The University of Notre Dame is holding it’s first-ever “Coming Out as Episcopalian Day” to coincide with “National Coming Out Day,” school officials... Read More

Cardinal Says Women’s Ordination Makes Sense Because Church Could Pay Women Less To Minister

  Cardinal Sean O’Malley told reporters earlier today that his recent interview with 60 Minutes was difficult because he did not have time to fully delve... Read More

Report: Some 2nd Century Roman Christians Hated Latin Mass Because It Was Said In The Vernacular

ROME–A letter written by an anonymous early Roman Christian was unearthed at the base of the Palatine Hills earlier this week, revealing that many Christians... Read More

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Politics

Area Catholic Offended by the Phrase “Merry Christmas”

New York, NY––Local Catholic and Liturgical stickler Gerry Brownstone... Read More

Nancy Pelosi Recites Her Favorite Bible Verse: “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger”

Image: Gage Skidmore House Speaker Nancy Pelosi quoted her favorite... Read More

Christian Groups Protest to “Keep the Christ in X-Men”

Devout Christian Marvel Comic enthusiasts protest to keep Christ in X-Men... Read More

Francis Pulls Vatican Out Of The “Columbia House 8 CDs For A Penny” Deal

Pope Francis announced Tuesday that he will withdraw the Vatican from... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Signals Possible Openness To Just About Anything At This Point

Pope Francis has said that he is open to the possibility of permitting basically... Read More

[BREAKING] Benedict To Remain Pope, Area Catholic Dreaming

You know you wanna come back...please come back!

Albany, NY––Just days after he shocked the world by announcing his decision... Read More

Pope, Bishops Decide It’s Finally Time To Do Something About Sexual Abuse Crisis After YouTube Goes Offline

  Pope Francis and bishops from around the globe unanimously decided to actually... Read More

Women In Love With Married Men Appeal To Pope To Make Fidelity Optional

  VATICAN–A group of 26 Italian mistresses who claim to be having affairs... Read More

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