People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Parishioner Believes She Might Have Just Understood A Word Visiting Nigerian Priest Said During Homily

Claiming that she was almost certain she had comprehend a word the new visiting Nigerian priest used during the homily, longtime parishioner Abby Longworth excitedly turned to friends and fellow parishioners today to inform them of the good... Read More

ICEL Calls For All-Meme Missal Translation For Youth Masses

Citing a need for the Church to “reach out to its estranged youth,” the International Commission on English in the Liturgy requested, and has already begun intensive work on, an all-meme edition of the Roman Missal. Representatives from... Read More

SSPX Chess Player Creates Bishop Pieces Without World Chess Federation Approval

Image: Benjamin Fishman Society of St. Pius X chess grandmaster Larcel Mafebvre has turned four of his pieces into bishops without approval from the World Chess Federation, officials have confirmed. “Mr. Mafebvre has, without approval... Read More

Fr. Zuhlsdorf Installs Electric Altar Rails; 2 Women Injured

It is being reported that the two unidentified Catholics who rushed the altar this morning to assist Fr. John Zuhlsdorf during the Mass were injured after they were shocked by electric altar rails installed by the priest. The well-known Catholic... Read More

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Libs & Trads

PHOTO: J. Scott Applewhite / AP Photo

Nuns On Bus Scour Ohio In Search of Misplaced Veils

OHIO––A group of Catholic nuns began a 1,000 mile bus tour through Ohio this week asking locals whether or not they have seen their veils. The group of about... Read More

Knights Of Columbus Amassing Troops In Preparation For Vatican Takeover Of Malta

Tensions have escalated between conservative and liberal Catholics today as Knights of Columbus members amassed on Malta’s border, which was recently annexed... Read More

Newly Revealed Catacomb Painting Undeniable Proof That Women Were Able To Raise Hands In Air In Early Church

VATICAN–Newly restored frescoes from the Catacombs of Priscilla were unveiled by the Vatican on Tuesday, some of which reveal that women in early Christianity... Read More

Obama Invited To Say Mass At Notre Dame

Southbend, IN––Three years after Notre Dame invited Barack Obama to deliver the commencement speech to its graduating class, the university has now reportedly... Read More

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Politics

Film Review: Will The New Noah Movie Radically Depart From The Hyper-Environmentalist Themes As Seen In The Biblical Narrative?

Hollywood, CA––With the upcoming Noah movie directed by Darren Aronofsky... Read More

Pelosi On Virgin Sacrifices During Satanic Masses: “This Is Sacred Ground To Me As Well”

Washington, DC––Members of the pro-life movement have denounced... Read More

Audience Of Undecideds Patiently Await Good Zinger To Decide Their Vote

Mike Segar/Reuters After patiently enduring a 90-minute presidential debate... Read More

King Richard III Confirmed Dead

Leicester, England–Scientists say they have found the missing remains... Read More

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Vatican

2014 Sochi Olympics: Why Has The Vatican Yet To Medal?

SOCHI, Russia––For only the third time in Winter Games history, the United States... Read More

Pope Francis Says It’s Better To Be An Atheist Than To Enjoy The DC Cinematic Universe

“If you watched Suicide Squad or Batman v. Superman and somehow convinced yourself... Read More

Four Cardinals Ask Francis To Clarify IKEA Instructions

Image: Sean Hobson Telling the press today that instructions of Pope Francis’... Read More

Francis Practicing Emeritus Signature

  Mere days after former Vatican ambassador to the US, Archbishop Carlo Maria... Read More

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