“I Will Not Say A Single World” Pope Michael Tells Lineup Of Teddy Bears Holding Fake Tape Recorders

  Pope Michael Tuesday told a line of teddy bears dressed as reporters sitting on his bed that he will not respond to accusations that he knew about allegations against Cardinal Theodore McCarrick. The Pope told the teddy bears and one G.I Joe figurine that he had read the document but that he “will not say a single word on this.” “I must tell you sincerely that, I must say this, to you and all those who are interested—read the... Read More

Christian Radio Show Host Claims God Sending Drought, Disease To Punish Us For “Pitch Perfect 2”

Christian radio show host Rick Wiles said on his show yesterday that God is using bird flu and other viruses, along with the California drought, to punish America until it decides that it will never ever allow another Pitch Perfect movie. “Add it up: Bird flu is killing tens of millions of birds and California is in the throes of a mega-drought unlike anything seen in over 1,200 years,” Wiles said. “And this just so happens to be occurring just as... Read More

Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation

Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of the Feast of the Assumption. “Yeah, it’s just, I’m so swamped Thursdays cause of work and stuff. And this week especially cause I got the fish bowl I gotta clean, as well as my hair…not to mention... Read More

Man Who’s Able To Bring Christ Down From Heaven To Earth Required To Get Permission From Parish Council For Something

Image: WIkiCommons Fr. Kenneth Roberts of Holy Spirit Catholic Church in Albany, New York announced today that despite having the power and authority to bring Christ down from Heaven during the Mass, he is still, for some unfathomable reason, still  required to get permission from the parish council about most everything he does. “I guess I’m just kinda confused,” Roberts told EOTT after his request for money to purchase a more proper... Read More

Matt Fradd Named Eye Of The Tiber’s Sexiest Chastity Speaker Alive

Eye of the Tiber is happy to announce that Catholic apologist Matt Fradd has been named its 2013 Sexiest Chastity Speaker Alive. His rugged good looks, dirty blond locks, and of course the masculine, yet somehow soft and gentle sound of this Aussie’s voice helped make him this year’s top choice. Although this Australian by birth, Catholic by choice hottie spends his time preparing for talks on subjects such as chastity, love, and the dangers... Read More

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