Pope Michael Not Sure What To Do With $1.6 Billion Dollar Check From Government

Pope Michael has been granted $1.6 billion dollars in federal coronavirus aid, and the co-called “true” Vicar of Christ has no clue what to do with it. “If you’re wondering what I’m wondering, which is how did I get approved for $1.6 billion in federal aid without even applying for it, well, I think I have an answer,” said Pope Michael preparing to jump off his diving board and into his pool which was now filled... Read More

New Study Finds People Are Immune To COVID-19 While Rioting And Looting

By Kevin Kukla (ProLife365.com) Mainstream media outlets from across the country this morning have been reporting on a breakthrough study that shows that to build immunity to COVID-19, all one has to do is to stand in the middle of a riot while holding a looted item. “We are not sure, but we suspect stolen cardboard packages containing such items as television sets, video game systems, and the like, work best to create some kind of protective... Read More

Parishioners Eagerly Anticipate Return To Distant, Unwelcoming Community

With Masses resuming in the next couple of weeks, many Catholics are now eagerly anticipating their first non-virtual interaction with the distant, unwelcoming community that they haven’t seen in months. As bishops and priests from across the country prepare for the monumental task of reopening churches with strict guidelines, many are looking forward to their first Mass with their cold and detached parishioners. “It’s really... Read More

Limiting Parishioners To 10 Per Mass No Problem For Local Diocese

Telling his flock that their state ordinance limiting the amount of parishioners that can be inside a church at any given time to ten was “absolutely no problem whatsoever” for their diocese, local bishop Robert McDowell reportedly said that the ordinance could limit that number to five for all he cared and it still wouldn’t have that much of an impact. “Not a problem at all,” McDowell said in a livestream message... Read More

So-Called “Christian” Wearing A Mask

So-called “Christian” and “believer” Alexander Humphrey was seen early this morning wearing a mask, despite the “fact” that he has been baptized, and therefore should heed the words of scripture and not fear, for the Lord is with him. According to several sources, fraud and imposter Alexander Humphrey, who up till this morning was widely known as a model Christian, was shopping at a local grocery store when he... Read More

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