Area Baptist Church Runs Out Of Welch’s 100% Grape Juice For Communion

San Diego, CA–Pastor Kyle Sandera of Newlife Baptist Church in San Diego, California says that an unanticipated large crowd at Sunday service this past weekend depleted their Welch’s 100% Grape Juice reserve before everyone was able to partake in the breaking of bread. “We honestly just didn’t expect that that many people would show,” Sandera told Eye of the Tiber. “30 people! It’s our first year as a church,... Read More

Area Catholic Offended by the Phrase “Merry Christmas”

New York, NY––Local Catholic and Liturgical stickler Gerry Brownstone was offended earlier today when leaving his local Food-Mart, after the greeter wished him a “Merry Christmas.” “Who does that guy think he is, saying that to me?” Brownstone said. “Advent has barely begun. The Liturgical Calendar has a Christmas season, you ignoramus, and it begins after the Feast of the Nativity, not a month before.” A visibly... Read More

Christian Groups Protest to “Keep the Christ in X-Men”

Devout Christian Marvel Comic enthusiasts protest to keep Christ in X-Men                       Photo: Gage Skidmore Shelby, MI–Decrying the recent secularization of the comic book industry, Christian groups across the nation are joining forces to defend traditional values in the “War on X-Men.” “First the God-given charisms of the X-Men are explained by a bogus evolutionary theory of ‘mutation,’ now Christ... Read More

Man Spends All Mass Angry At Jesus–His Gardener

Cincinnati, OH––It was reported this week that 34-year-old parishioner of Holy Family Parish in Cincinnati Karl Tucker spent all Mass Sunday bitter at his gardener, Jesus, for what he called “years of neglected requests.” “It just seems like he never listens anymore,” Tucker reported to friends after Mass. “Every week, it’s like, I ask him to cut my lawn a certain way, and he just goes ahead and does it his own... Read More

Latino Gang Member’s Our Lady Of Guadalupe Tattoo Used For Devotions

The Barrio––Mother of Latino gang member “Joker” announced today that Sunday’s family hour of devotion before the elaborately tattooed image of Our Lady of Guadalupe on her son’s naked back was a complete success. “Everything was beautiful,” she told Eye of the Tiber. “He stood with his back turned to us, and we turned off the lights, and lit two candles, and put them on both sides of the sacred image of... Read More

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