Statue In Cathedral Of Our Lady Of The Angels Wondering Why Everyone Keeps Laughing At It

Los Angeles, CA––The Virgin Mary statue at the entrance of Our Lady of the Angels Cathedral in Los Angeles announced today that it was becoming evermore frustrated and frankly rather confused by the amount of mockery it has received since it was first created. The 8-foot-tall, modern representation of the Virgin Mary told Eye of the Tiber that ever since it was created in 2002, it has been the butt of jokes, scoffs, and laughs by visitors... Read More

Self-Proclaimed Thomist Admits He Knows Nothing Of Thomas

Spokane, WA––It was reported this week that Gonzaga University grad and self-proclaimed Thomist Stephen Hillers knows virtually nothing about the works of St. Thomas Aquinas. Hillers, well known for beginning his sentences with the words, “Well, according to Thomas…” came clean to friends late Tuesday night when he revealed that he did, in fact, know nothing about the Summa Theologica, and that he had never even heard of the... Read More

Nation’s Catholics Demand Better Catechesis To Better Understand What Teachings To Ignore

Washington, DC––Thousands of the nation’s ill-catechized Catholics protested outside the USCCB headquarters in Washington, DC last night, demanding better catechesis so as to better understand what Church teachings they are going to continue to ignore. 24-year-old Tanya Wilkins who spearheaded the protest told reporters that she feels the need for better catechesis because she had for years “unconsciously ignored teachings such as contraception... Read More

Head Of Opus Dei Reaffirms Prelature Not A Cult

ROME––Bishop Javier Echevarria Rodriguez, head of the Prelature of the Holy Cross and Opus Dei, countered what he called “unfair and ridiculous attacks” against Opus Dei on Immaculate Heart Radio this morning. “Because of documentaries, the mainstream media, as well as books like The DiVince Code,” he said, “far too many people have been seduced by the idea that we’re Catholic Freemasons; a secret society manipulating... Read More

Confused Parishioner Won’t Stop Accidently Saying “And Also With You”

photo: Gregory L. Tracy Hoboken, New Jersey––It is being reported today that Timothy Perkins of Our Lady of Fatima Catholic Church in Hoboken, New Jersey continually made the wrong responses at Mass, despite having the new laminated translation guide in his hands. “He had it in his hands, but he wasn’t using it,” an unnamed parishioner who was sitting next to Perkins at Mass said, adding that Perkins’ baritone voice constantly... Read More

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