EWTN Announces New Reality Show Lineup

Irondale, AL––Addressing the latest ratings dip for EWTN, the network’s President and CEO, Michael Warsaw, announced today that the station would be making some radical changes to its upcoming lineup. Following the lead of other popular television networks like MTV and VH1, EWTN unveiled its all new reality show lineup set to premier this Fall. Shows already turning heads include, So You Think You Can Pray, America’s Next Top Extraordinary... Read More

Female Parishioners Upset That Men Not Also Being Asked To “Set The Altar” Before Mass

Baker, OR–Female Parishioners at St. John Bosco Parish in Baker, Oregon have sent a letter to Bishop Liam Cary accusing their pastor Fr. Maurice Alvarez as well as Deacon Bob Ley of sexism and chauvinism. The one-page complaint letter alleges, among other things, that Alvarez “sits back in the rectory with Deacon Bob every Sunday before Mass, laughing it up, while the women are made to dress the altar and do all the little things around... Read More

Four Jesuit Missionaries Dead After Battle With Portuguese Colonists

In memoriam:Father Gabriel, Rodrigo Mendoza, Fielding, The Other Jesuit Iguazu Falls, Argentina–Hundreds of Guarani tribe members, including four Jesuit missionaries, were slain early this week when their Mission, located atop the perilous Iguazu Falls on the boundaries of Argentina and Brazil, was attacked by a coalition of Spanish and Portuguese colonists. The Mission’s land, once under the protection of the Spanish, had been reapportioned... Read More

No Laity Found To Bring Up Gifts To Altar; Consecration Delayed Two Hours

  Pastor of St. Dwenden Catholic Church Ben Gregory was forced to postpone the consecration for nearly two hours earlier this morning after lead usher Kevin Sarkosy was unsuccessful in locating anyone willing to bring up the bread and wine for the Presentation of the Gifts at Mass. “Obviously the presentation is as important to the Mass as the consecration is…everyone knows that,” Sarkosy told EOTT as he and three others searched,... Read More

CNN Forced To Neglect Coverage Of March For Life Due To Breaking Footage Of Dolphin Stranded In NYC Canal

  Atlanta, GA––CNN PR director Richard Seymour apologized to viewers via twitter this afternoon after station officials realized they would not be covering the annual March for Life due to breaking footage released of a dolphin stranded in Brooklyn’s highly polluted Gowanus Canal. “Un4tunately not gonna be covring the March on CNN,“ he wrote via his twitter page. “Luv the March but we R talking bout a life here.”... Read More

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