“Extraordinary Mass Should Not Be The Norm,” Extraordinary Minister Of Holy Communion Reporting

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee––Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion Ernest Robbins is reporting to friends and family that the Extraordinary Form of the Liturgy “should never become the norm,” but that it should “remain true to its name…extraordinary.”  “I don’t know…I just feel that Vatican II helped us move into a new era in the Church, and I guess I just don’t wanna see us move backwards,”... Read More

Dissident Legionary Parts Hair In Middle

Thornwood, NY–Speaking to an assembly of Legionary of Christ seminarians this week, Communications Director for the Legionaries Jim Fair expressed outrage over the most recent scandal to hit the fragile religious congregation when just last week Legionary priest Ronald Mckellen was caught on tape with his hair parted down the middle; a clear violation of the rules and regulations of the congregation. “It is an outrage! It is a scandal, scandal,... Read More

Sistine Chapel Officials In Negotiations To Swap Paintings With Guardian Angel Cathedral In Las Vegas

Painting of The Rise of the Sentients in Guardian Angels Cathedral in Las Vegas, Nevada VATICAN CITY––An official at the Vatican Press Office today announced that the Vatican was in preliminary negotiations with Las Vegas bishop Joseph Pepe to swap Michelangelo’s The Last Judgment with the world-renowned painting The Rise of the Sentients located inside Guardian Angel Cathedral in Las Vegas, Nevada. Monsignor Alexander Bader, a spokesman... Read More

King Richard III Confirmed Dead

Leicester, England–Scientists say they have found the missing remains of King Richard III, confirming reports that the 15th century monarch is dead. Researchers at the University of Leicester told reporters today that the skeleton unearthed proved “beyond the shadow of a doubt” that the 33-year-old king, jokingly called “Good King Richard” by friends and family, was in fact dead, and not in seclusion as some have... Read More

“Our Father” Ringtone Conveniently Goes Off During “Our Father,” Keeping Everyone In Key

Topeka, KS–According to sources at Our Lady Star of the Sea Parish in Topeka, Kansas, a phone belonging to an unidentified person went off early Sunday morning during the Our Father, despite the pastor’s repeated requests that all parishioners turn off their cell phones. “Isn’t it just a switch to turn your phone to vibrate?” Fr. Howard Davidow asked reporters. “I mean, my phone has this nifty little button, and when... Read More

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