St. Clare Press Ready To Publish New Non-confrontational Translation Of Bible

Cincinnati, OH––Catholic book publisher and distributer St. Clare Press announced today that their new non-confrontational translation of the Bible will be released sometime this September. St. Clare executive Roger Hammond told the press this week that he hopes the new translation helps to appease the minds of critics that have long called the Bible violent and judgmental. “It took close to a decade to complete this ambitious translation,... Read More

“In Short, Don’t Be Hypocritical Little SOB’s,” Francis Says In First Encyclical

Vatican City––Just days after Pope Francis issued his first encyclical, many theologians are calling his first document a profound meditation on the ancient Christian teaching of how not to be a hypocritical little SOB. The document, called Lumen Fidei, “draws upon centuries of tradition that teaches us that the road to joy and salvation can only be attained by faith and charity, as opposed to the more prominent tendency to become a ‘sniveling... Read More

Report: Recent Vatican Bank Scandal Just What Church Needs Right Now

The Vatican Bank. Vatican City–A new report out today shows that the most recent scandal involving the Vatican Bank is just what the Church freaking needs right now. The report also goes on to reveal that Catholics from the age of reason all the way to those on the brink of death all believe that nothing better could have happened to the Church established by Christ, just as it was trying to avoid yet another freaking scandal. The Vatican has said... Read More

Paula Deen Not In Hot Water After Using Anti-Catholic Slur

Savannah, GA––Just weeks after admitting she used racist and anti-Semitic comments years ago, new video obtained by Radar Online shows celebrity chef Paula Deen making anti-Catholic comments to Food Network executive Ronald Fowler. The video, obtained by the entertainment and gossip website, shows Deen in her dressing room calling Fowler a “cookie-worshiping papist,” and going on to say that the “little cod-eating mackerel snapper”... Read More

Landmark Win For Individuals Who Experience And Act Upon An Exclusive Or Predominant Attraction Toward Persons Of The Same Sex

Washington, DC––In a landmark win for thousands of people across America who suffer with and act upon homosexual tendencies, the U.S. Supreme Court yesterday ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was unconstitutional. The ruling came as welcomed news to hundreds of people gathered outside the Supreme Court who may or may not have recently acted upon intrinsically evil homosexual acts that are contrary to the natural law. “I just can’t... Read More

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