Breaking: Your Side Will Win The Midterm Elections Today Because Of Your Comment On A Facebook Post
In what many are calling a spectacular turn of events, pollsters are now saying that the midterm election today will be won by your side because of a single, passionate comment you wrote on a friend’s Facebook post close to one month ago. “I was a little drunk when I wrote that comment two months ago. In fact, I didn’t even remember writing it until a friend brought it up today. And I gotta be honest—two months old, but the comment still... Read More
Local Rad Trad Gives Wife Permission To Receive Communion
November 1, 2018 by Admin
Filed under Libs & Trads
Admitting that his wife had done a “fairly good job” being subservient to him this week, local SSPV man Randall Thomas acknowledged Wednesday that he was satisfied just enough with his wife to allow her to receive communion this Sunday. “When Margaret Elizabeth and I first got married, she was really on her game,” Thomas said, watching his wife sweep the kitchen. “We had some great times while she cooked and cleaned and did nothing else... Read More
Study: Enjoying Candy Corn A Spiritual Defect
October 31, 2018 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
In what researchers are calling a spiritual defect, a new study published Tuesday by the Vatican confirmed that of all the types of candy one can enjoy, Candy Corn is “by far the worst and most sinful to enjoy.” “Despite all the amazing candies on the market, research has found that Candy Corn is as deceptive as the devil, because it is of the devil,” said researcher Candice Mckenzie. “It does not taste like candy, and it... Read More
Survey: 88% Of Evangelicals Consider Eating Chick-fil-A A Form Of Tithing
October 29, 2018 by Admin
Filed under Parish Life
According to a new survey out today by the Evangelical Institute of Spiritual Health reveals that 88% of evangelicals in the United States believe that eating Chick-fil-A is a form of tithing. “Most of those who took part in the survey said that shoveling down a Spicy Chicken Sandwich or Chick-n-Strips from Chick-fil-A while zesty buffalo sauce dripped down the side of their mouth was equivalent to, if not altogether more spiritually beneficial,... Read More
Pope Francis Meets With Carrot Top
Image: Timothy Evans American stand-up comedian Scott Thompson, better known as Carrot Top, met with Pope Francis at the Vatican after his Wednesday general audience this week. Top, who rose to fame as a corky prop-comic before moving on to appear in such films as So I Married An Axe Murderer and Sharknado: The 4th Awakens, was pictured happily shaking hands with the pontiff. Speaking with media on Thursday, Vatican representative Bishop Reginald... Read More