Jack Chick Having Heated Debate With Saint Peter At Pearly Gates

Image:Brendan Riley

Evangelical cartoonist Jack Chick whose tracts spread biblical messages to the pagan world, as well as notified a billion Roman Catholics that they were all going to suffer eternal damnation, peacefully died Sunday at the age of 92.

According to an anonymous saint within the Pearly Gates, Chick, now three days deceased, is in a heated debate about the existence of Purgatory with Saint Peter.

“Ah, you get one of these guys in here every eternity or so,” said the anonymous saint. “They come in here angry and grumpy and all know-it-all and they just won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. He’s been arguing with Saint Peter for a good two days now, mortal time, and after not getting the answer he wanted about Purgatory, has asked to see Peter’s supervisor so he can ‘tell him a thing or two about everlasting life.'”

The anonymous saint, who may or may not have been an Archangel, went on to say that Chick claimed that [Saint Peter] was not in fact Catholic, but just another Christian “like everyone else,” and that if he was indeed a Catholic, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to enter the so-called pearly gates he was “protectin’ with them keys anyhow.”

“You listen here, I don’t care what you say those keys in your hands represent,” Chick is reported to have said. “I’m not going anywhere until I see your supervisor, is that understood? And, listen, I made a good amount of money in my day, and I can tell you that those them keys you got there in your hand are probably gold-plated, so don’t you go on pontificating at me about all that ‘Thou are Peter and upon this rock’ doodly squat. I didn’t spend all these years tellin’ people they was going to hell just to find out there was a purgatory to save them.”