17-Year-Old Homeschool Boy Solves Mystery Of Trinity While Mother Combs His Hair

Portland, OR––According to the Brandt family, moments ago, 17-year-old homeschooler Jake Brandt has solved the greatest mystery known to man. Brandt, who had just gotten out of the shower, reportedly worked out and solved the mystery of the Holy Trinity while his mother, Cherry Brandt, tried, furiously, to comb down a few stubborn hairs on the back of his head. “Funny thing is, he’s not even the smartest kid on the block,” she told Eye of the Tiber. “Our friends, the Jacobs, down the street also homeschool, and their son, Nathan, last week was able to make sense of an entire G.K. Chesterton article from beginning to end.” Cherry Brandt credits her son’s intelligence on the power of prayer, as well as the importance of not allowing him to go near “that sorry excuse for a Catholic school down the road.”