Decades Of Voting For The Lesser Of Two Evils Really Raises The Bar

After countless decades of having no choice but to vote for the lesser of two evils, the 2020 Presidential campaign has finally succeeded in raising the bar.

“I think both myself as well as my opponent, Vice President Biden, can be proud of what we accomplished on the stage tonight,” President Trump told reporters after last night’s debate. “We did a fantastic job in really raising the bar for all future candidates. And I’ll tell you something, something huge. If you’re looking for a lesser man, look no where else. My opponent may claim to hold that title, but it’s not true. I am that man–ask anyone.”

Joe Biden said that even if he loses, he could at least now be comforted in the fact that he is “one of only two people in American political history to truly exemplify what it means to be a lesser of two evils.”

“America has had many crappy alternatives in it’s beautiful history, and I can proudly say that I am in that illustrious club,” an emotional Biden said. “I wasn’t about to be under performed by my opponent tonight. I brought my F game as everyone expected and I delivered, just as my opponent did. I wanted people, the working people in America–the father of three in Scranton, or the working mother in Ohio, to believe they they too could achieve the American dream of one day becoming one of only two crappy as all hell choices. That’s what they may one day need to become for their children, say in a bitter and messy divorce proceeding. They need to know that they can be that bitter and depressing option to their children. And I like to think that I helped play a role in shaping that.”