Church Adds New “Rite Of Gender Reveal” Ceremony

The USCCB issued a groundbreaking new rite Thursday morning that they are tentatively calling “The Rite of Gender Reveal.”

A local couple currently awaiting the exciting revelation of their unborn’s gender said that it was a big step in spiritually legitimizing what has recently become an obnoxious and over-the-top event.

“For a few years, people took videos of themselves popping balloons with blue or pink confetti falling out to reveal whether their baby was a boy or a girl,” said Tabatha Rincon. “In couple years, though, it’s really gotten out of hand with everyone trying too hard to out do each other.”

Rincon said that she feels less embarrassed doing a gender reveal now that the Church has legitimized it and made it an official rite.  

Along with baptism, Eucharist, confirmation, confession, anointing of the sick, marriage, and holy orders, gender reveal will now officially become the eighth sacrament, and making it no longer optional. 

“The only problem we foresee is people inadvertently setting fire to a church during the sacrament,” said Fr. Louis Douglas of St. Catherine of Siena Catholic Church. “The sacrament must always take place inside of a church now, so people shooting targets or shooting canons and so on may be somewhat problematic.”

At press time, the Rincon’s have decided to have their doctor tell them the gender by simply using the words “It’s a boy” or “It’s a girl” and then to simply tell their family and friends.