God Kindly Asks Angels And Saints To Stand 6 Feet Apart When Praising and Worshiping Him

Citing CDC warnings that people stay six feet apart to reduce chances of catching or transmitting Covid-19, sources from the city of God revealed this morning that God Almighty planned to announce stronger measures to help curb the spread of the disease.

“I think it’s pretty clear that God is planning to act so as to lessen transmissions,” St. Peter told those gathered near the pearly gates as he provided statistics showing that the spread of the virus from one penitent to another via angels and saints has drastically risen. “What this shows is that an angel or saint standing or floating, what have you, beside someone praying on earth, may catch the virus and pass it on to the next person praying that they don’t catch it. Quite ironic, isn’t it? Anyhow, the Lord will also be making it mandatory for angels and saints to stay six feet apart when worshipping him. This is clearly not an easy decision for our Lord, and he understands how difficult it will be for everyone, but it is for the best.”

Officials from the heavenly Jerusalem went on to encourage people to also consider wearing masks before kissing statues, crucifixes, or relics, and to wash their hands for at least the length of one sung Our Father (or two said Our Fathers for those who cannot carry a tune) afterward.