Vatican Opens Cause Of Canonization For Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg After Mistakenly Believing Her Dead And Incorrupt

Much to its embarrassment, it was discovered this week that the Congregation for the Causes of Saints had an open file on United States Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

An EOTT investigation revealed that Justice Ginsburg’s cause was opened after an undersecretary of the Congregation, Msgr. Nicola Tarducci, became convinced that Justice Ginsburg was incorrupt. This past November, Msgr. Tarducci saw a picture of Justice Ginsburg taken in 2013 and presumed from the image that she had been dead for years. Upon finding that the presumed-dead Justice was still issuing rulings on the United States Supreme Court, Msgr. Tarducci came to the conclusion that Justice Ginsburg must be the first functioning incorrupt body. Supposing he had discovered an obvious sign of sanctity, the undersecretary opened Justice Ginsburg’s file immediately.

“It was an error that anyone could have made,” said interim Vatican spokesman Alessandro Gisotti. “Honestly, looking at her picture I can understand how Msgr. Tarducci came to the conclusion that he did. Besides, Justice Ginsburg’s jurisprudence has been lifeless for decades.”

When it was pointed out to Mr. Gisotti that opening Justice Ginsburg’s cause seemed highly irregular considering that she is both Jewish and manifestly opposed to Catholic Church teaching on just about everything, he responded by saying, “It surprised us too, but the Holy Spirit is full of surprises!”

Msgr. Tarducci’s action was discovered when he sent representatives to return Justice Ginsburg’s supposed remains from Washington, DC to her hometown of Brooklyn, New York. According to the police report, Justice Ginsburg resisted and was insistent that she was, in fact, alive. “It was quite something,” said Gisotti. “We thought that moving Fulton Sheen was difficult, but he was nothing compared to this!”