Man Expelled from Charismatic Prayer Group After Speaking Real Language

A man was kicked out of St. Robert Catholic Church’s Wednesday evening Charismatic Prayer group after he began to speak a real foreign language during a “prayer session.”

Jonathan Spencer, 43, had recently begun attending the group’s weekly prayer meetings, but will not be returning anytime soon.

“We were all together there in the room,” said Spencer. “Some people were jumping around, others were clicking and making all sorts of different noises, and then, don’t ask me how, I just started speaking in French. I’ve never studied French or even been to France.”

When Spencer’s sounds were identified as real words, the meeting turned ugly.

“I think it was Sally who first recognized that I was speaking in French,” said Spencer. “Immediately she walloped me with her tambourine and shouted for everyone to stop. They then informed me that the Holy Spirit only speaks in gibberish. Despite my insistence that they pardon my French, they presumed that I was mocking them by speaking a real language, and they asked me to leave and not return.”

The prayer group had a prepared statement on the incident printed in the following Sunday’s parish bulletin which simply stated: “Hashee ma-holeth, heemarabitur. A sheema tohaboretheeya.”