Gillette Introduces New ‘Tampons For Him’

 

Just days after stirring up controversy with an ad attempting to cure toxic masculinity, Gillette today introduced its newest product, ‘Tampons for Him.’

“With our new product, even the most masculine of men will now have a discreet way of tempering the poisonous manliness that they often feel,” said Assistant Gillette Spokesman Alexander Dowgray, adding that the new tampons will help contain the “flow” of the venomous masculinity is inside every single man. “No matter how bad you’re masculine days are, you’ll never again feel the need to change a tire or watch a game of football. Gone are the days of drinking alcoholic beverages that aren’t sweet and colorful. Gone are the days of cuts and bruises—of steaks, cars, hunting, and football. Today is the dawn of a new era—an era in which boys will be no longer be boys. And it’s a longtime coming.”

At press time, Gillette is planning to introduce a new ankle monitor that immediately alerts Child Protective Services whenever a father begins to playfully roughhouse with his children.