Newly Ordained Priest Probably Thinks He’s Some Sort Of Big Shot Now

Explaining that his longtime friend Father Daniel Patros probably thought he was some sort of big shot or something like that ever since his ordination to the priesthood last week, Adam Rubin sat down with friends this morning to explain his frustrations.

“I mean, simply based on what I’ve seen over the past week or so since Daniel was ordained, he definitely thinks he’s like this big shot now,” Rubin stated, explaining how ever since Patros became a priest, it just kinda, sorta felt like he sometimes acts a little different, as if he thinks he acts in the person of Christ. “Haven’t you guys seen how he’s been lately? We used to sit together in the back—now, though, he thinks he’s like this badass or something that even angels would bow down before. The man sits all the way up front like a teacher’s pet—on a freaking throne like chair. And he’s ditched the slacks and now wears all this ornate clothing for goodness sake. No joke, after his ordination, people were actually kissing his palms—and he let them do it! Are you serious?”

Rubin went on to say that, though it breaks his heart to speak ill about his dear friend, it is necessary for Patros to sooner or later hear about this, lest he one day begin to believe that he can forgive people their sins or bring God down from heaven to earth, and risk eternal damnation for playing God.