Local Rad Trad Gives Wife Permission To Receive Communion

Admitting that his wife had done a “fairly good job” being subservient to him this week, local SSPV man Randall Thomas acknowledged Wednesday that he was satisfied just enough with his wife to allow her to receive communion this Sunday.

“When Margaret Elizabeth and I first got married, she was really on her game,” Thomas said, watching his wife sweep the kitchen. “We had some great times while she cooked and cleaned and did nothing else but tend to my every desire as is her duty before the Lord. It was all ‘yes, sir,’ ‘no, sir,’ ‘may I use the restroom, sir’ as it should be, obviously. But things have changed the past couple of years. That spark we had is gone.”

“I’ll never forget those early years when she knew her role and didn’t ask silly questions like she does now about wanting to get a job, or other such nonsense. But I gotta be honest—she’s been terrific this week, and I really want to treat her to something nice. So this Sunday, I’m going to surprise her with communion. That’s right, but don’t say anything. I can’t wait to see the look on her face as everyone is getting up to receive. I’m just gonna stand up, stretch forth my hand to her and ask if she would join me. She’s going to be so happy. Usually, I only allow her communion Easter and Christmas, but she deserves it—she really does.”