Local Parish Abandons Mass So As Not To Distract From Parishioners’ Conversations

Local pastor Fr. Robert Dunn reported to his congregation in the parish newsletter this morning that beginning the week after Christmas, all Masses were to be replaced by an hour of “straight-up fellowship.”

This news came as no shock to many of the parishioners who said that the Mass had been disintegrating for some time before the announcement was made official.

“Oh yeah, we saw this coming a mile away,” said 43-year-old parishioner Jacob Bryant. “I mean, about 40 to 50 minutes of the Mass is solely dedicated to the sign of peace anyway, so when I read about the no Mass thing, it was basically him telling us that he was simply doing away with 10 to 20 minutes of Mass time.”

In the newsletter, Dunn said that he had come to the decision after witnessing “the damage praying was doing to good quality fellowship time.”

“I really shouldn’t even say that praying was doing damage to fellowship time, because in all reality, fellowship is the highest form of praying, if you know what I’m saying.”