Disney Announces Star Wars Spinoff For Every Single Character And Extra

Just weeks before the opening of 2018 Comic-Con in San Diego, California, Disney representative Douglas Hilty announced plans to expand the Star Wars universe by making standalone movies for every single character in the franchise.

“It’s clear that anything with the words ‘Star Wars’ in the title will be a success,” Hilty told reporters. “People have called ‘Solo’ a disappointment, but we no longer like to judge movies based on whether they flopped in the theaters. Shawshank Redemption was a flop when it came out and now it’s a classic. Furthermore, who wouldn’t wanna see a spin off about Andy Dufresne’s wife, Red, Warden Norton, Laundry Leonard, or Duty Guard #3? Get where I’m going?”

Hilty went on to hint at some of the 13 movies planned to be released by the end of summer, including ones based on Boba Fett,  Nute Gunray,  Fodesinbeed Annodue, Watto, and FN-1824, a.k.a. the stormtrooper assigned to guard Rey, who eventually falls victim to her Jedi mind trick and is subsequently made to release her and drop his weapon in The Force Awakens.

“I do have a little easter egg for all the fans out there. Watch any of the Star Wars movies, and if you spot a character, even if he or she is an extra and is just passing by in the background, there’ll be a movie made about them. And though I feel that I might’ve already given too much away, I can confirm that you can expect some surprise gifts this Thanksgiving when you’re treated to fifteen films based on the first fifteen Ewoks seen on screen, and followed by what we believe will be an absolute blockbuster, Binks.